My mom is 90 and has dementia. She's still strong enough to walk slow, eat a bit, dress (with help to match) and shower (when reminded).
She sleeps a lot and sometimes makes it difficult for me to go out. My sister and I share her care every 4 months. I live in Florida and she's in Ohio. My brother wants no part in her care. Is this fair for all of us? I think so!
From your profile: "I am caring for my mother Alejandrina, who is 90 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, sleep disorder, and vision problems."
What does it mean that your sister and you share her care?
Does your mother have any assets? What's going to happen if her care becomes too much for you (and your sister) to handle? Who will pay for caregivers to come in? Can she become Medicaid-eligible?
Is your health (mental and physical) health suffering because you are your mother's caregiver?
Who isn't feeling like it's fair since you indicate you do but are asking the question? If you are in FL and your sister in OH where does your mom live and your brother? Sounds like while mom is able to do things for herself still it isn't safe or appropriate for her to be left alone even for an hour or so at a time, is that right?
That is great that you and your sister have been able to share the work. Unfortunately at some point, the travel to and from might become too much but I guess you'll have to cross that bridge when you come to it.
Your brother, if he doesn't want to help, well, that's just the way it is. Can't make him and he'd probably be very bad at it if he felt forced.
I agree that you should try to find a caregiver for you to be able to get out from time to time. I'd shoot for maybe once a week for a few hours. Even though you get 4 months off, your 4 months on can be pretty intense and you need a break sometimes.
Chorita, too bad your brother doesn't help out, like take care of Mom's financials, writing checks for her bills from her checking account, etc. Or if he doesn't want to do that, maybe send a few dollars every now and then. Some siblings just don't know what to do, you and your sister need to ask him if he can do this or that.
As for hands-on, not everyone is cut out to do that type of caregiving, I know I wasn't. Just doing the logistical stuff was exhausting enough :P
Would it be possible for your Mom to budget for a caregiver to come in for a couple hours each day or every other day, thus give you a break? My Dad was paying $30/hour but that price per hour varies from area to area. It was well worth the cost.
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What does it mean that your sister and you share her care?
Does your mother have any assets? What's going to happen if her care becomes too much for you (and your sister) to handle? Who will pay for caregivers to come in? Can she become Medicaid-eligible?
Is your health (mental and physical) health suffering because you are your mother's caregiver?
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Your brother, if he doesn't want to help, well, that's just the way it is. Can't make him and he'd probably be very bad at it if he felt forced.
I agree that you should try to find a caregiver for you to be able to get out from time to time. I'd shoot for maybe once a week for a few hours. Even though you get 4 months off, your 4 months on can be pretty intense and you need a break sometimes.
As for hands-on, not everyone is cut out to do that type of caregiving, I know I wasn't. Just doing the logistical stuff was exhausting enough :P
Would it be possible for your Mom to budget for a caregiver to come in for a couple hours each day or every other day, thus give you a break? My Dad was paying $30/hour but that price per hour varies from area to area. It was well worth the cost.