It's my siblings... How do I convince them it is the disease?

I completely feel for you.

And so, I will put money on it, will the court. Your brother and younger sister - I would say, they have a lot to learn; but the fact is more likely to be that they don't *want* to learn and they would much rather believe that you are a control freak than go to the trouble of really understanding dementia. Which, let's agree, is pretty hard work.

They are not doing it to be evil, they are not doing it with the intention of making your life harder and more stressful, they sincerely believe that mother would have a *lovely* time and you are a spoilsport/wet blanket/dog in the manger etc.

They are ignorant as... all get-out.

Take deep breaths. Invite them to visit. Try one of the widely-recommended books, such as the 36 Hour Day; or put them on the Alzheimer's Society's mailing list. And then do your best to forget about it - heaven knows you have enough to deal with.

Or - I suppose you could tell them to Ask A Question (should we sedate and uproot my mother from the home she feels safe in? Surely that won't bother her much?) on here!

I would leave it to the attorney to handle. Sometimes ignorance is just inexcusable. I'd try to get reimbursed for attorney fees if they persist with unfounded claims.

Typical - siblings who have no idea- interfering without wanting to check facts first! Frustrating isn’t it?-Especially when you are trying to do your best for your mum.

Just a thought, but your doctor may be able to provide a written report to counter your siblings views. Plus have you considered informing them of all the time it takes from you? Do a diary for a month and put everything in it. It will sound depressing when written like that but may be one way to let them realise what is really involved in caring for your mum in the way she wants. Not what they think she wants, based on a few, limited visits a year, which doesn’t sound suitable for your mums disease/ needs.

Her doctor may also be able to vouch for the way you are handing her affairs and managing her needs.

Personally your siblings need a kick up the bum for putting you through this at such a time. And sedating your mum?! What do they think she is - no way to treat a lady that’s their mum- besides that puts her at increased risk of falls due to sedation and can induce further confusion. How much longer before they just want to palm her off to a nursing home to visit instead?!

Keep up the good fight and thank you on behalf of your mum. Let us know how it goes.

You can’t convince anyone of anything they choose not to believe.

I am sorry that you have to deal with their behavior. I hope one day they will be able to understand what the situation truly is.

Cecicando,

So many people think they can ride out a storm but why go through that agony. My mom complained the entire trip to Houston from New Orleans when we evacuated for Katrina. It took so long. Traffic was horrendous due to so many people evacuating.

I am with you, be as comfortable as you can be while away with conveniences rather than being home in the storm without power.

So many people died in New Orleans because they didn’t evacuate. Katrina wasn’t an ordinary storm though. Horrible that mom lost her home but our lives were spared. That’s what is most important.

We were lucky to get a hotel suite. Hotels filled up quickly. I called my friend that lived in Houston. We were friends for a bazillion years before she moved there and I was so happy that I would be able to meet her for lunch.

She was so sweet. She has a huge home. She invited my entire family to stay with her in their home until it was safe to return to New Orleans. We gave her money for groceries and she wanted to refuse it but I insisted that she accept it. I shared with cooking and cleaning. She has a housekeeper but when kids play there is always picking up to do. Her kids and my kids get along well. Her husband is a sweet guy. He and my husband played golf.

My friend spoiled my mom. She even took her to her favorite hair salon to be pampered. She’s a great friend. We could see and hear from the news that mom’s home was most likely destroyed.

Mom didn’t have a home to return to. It was horrible. She had nine feet of water. There was only one thing left hanging on my mother’s wall, my graduation picture. My nephew said to me, “You’re a true survivor!” Hahaha He was cute and made me laugh with his remark. Oh well, there were a million stories like that after Katrina.

Mom only had the clothes on her back, the small suitcase for the evacuation she had packed and her purse when she moved in with us. I was amazed at the kindness of others.

When I was able to take mom shopping to replace her wardrobe the store manager would not let me pay for them. She told mom it was free!

I will never forget the kindness of my friend, everyone in Houston, back home. Some people did pull together and others acted like animals.

Every junkie went nuts in our streets not being able to get their fix. My friend who is in the National Guard was stationed in the super dome and said he actually had PTSD afterwards because he said they were withdrawing from drugs, fighting each other, stealing from businesses, not talking about people who stole diapers and baby formula because they had to. I’m talking about the people who were stealing televisions and that sort of thing. Just disgusting! So yeah, in some cases it’s best to evacuate.

You won't have to, the judge will. I am so sorry you have to deal with them. My mother is a leaver, we had to place her in a Memory Care home. She found a window in the first home and climbed out of it. Got out to a road and flagged down a car. One of my brothers thought we were being mean to her, came from 2 states away, I'm not sure what he thought he would find, but when he and his wife got to the home and tried to leave my mother chased them. It took several people to keep her in the unit. It is sad that your siblings don't want to understand. I often wonder why people think some of the things they do. Wanting someone who is happy where they are to move to where they don't want to be and put them to sleep to do it. Not even a healthy person could handle that. Oh wait, it's called kidnapping.
Good luck to you, sending prayers.

Ceci,

Oh sorry, I misread it. I thought you wanted to evacuate when you were talking about a hotel room. Some people just like to get away during the storm and look at it as a vacation. It’s about doing what is best for your personal situation. We have to consider different things, the elderly, our pets and so forth. My little schnauzer was always a pain to travel with. She was a nervous Nellie in the car. My greyhound did fine in the car but he was such a big dog. He was 85 pounds. I had to board him because I didn’t think the hotel would want a large dog. Funny thing is though, he was more laid back than my little one.

Same here in Louisiana. Many, many times people were able and are able to stay home or as some say, vertical evacuation, just go to an upstairs location if flooding is a concern. Like I said, Katrina was a unique situation, a different kind of storm. Our levees broke and so much of the city had horrible flooding. That was a mandatory evacuation.

I am so glad that your area is okay. Generators are so helpful too. My daddy grew up in Panama City Beach. I went every summer as a kid. I love it.

I wasn’t accusing you of putting your mom in danger. Of course, I understand that you know what is best. I have crappy brothers too. I get that as well.

Sorry if I misunderstood your post. I have been stressed out lately and I misread it.

So happy that you are in a safe spot. Florida, Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana have all taken their hits from the hurricanes. I’m thrilled you aren’t in a vulnerable location.

Bring a Good lawyer, You have good Case..Shame on them all...
I admit Mom should be Looked after and it seems you are doing this Job, Living NEARER.
As long as mom is Not a Risk to Herself, Keep it Going and Flowing, angel.

You got this. You know what's best for your mom and you are following dr. order. I hope you get back ever cent you have to spend to protect your mom. Sheltering in place sometimes IS the best thing to do. I lived in Florida for years and the worst for me was Ivan. But both my house and I did fine. You are right on what moving your mom during a storm (most of all cause more dementia) is abuse. Good for you on sticking to what you know is best for your mom.

Good doctor, good lawyer, good friends and neighbors - all of them can help tell the others that she is OK and better left with you. If they take you to court, let them bear the cost.