What do you wish people would ask you?

Call her. Mainly so that she can talk to you.

Visit. Take cake, or nice cheese, or anyway special real food rather than booze or chocolates.

If circumstances allow - her father's not too ill, her mother's not too overwhelmed, you're able to do it without never, ever wanting to go near them again - offer to hold the fort if she needs to go out.

Avoid making too many "helpful suggestions"! Ask "would you like me to find out about x y z?" rather than leaping in with "there's this wonderful new gizmo/medication/facility I've heard all about - "

Just be there.

That you've already thought to ask about this incredibly important point makes me sure you are going to be a Grade A friend to your friend. Bless you and your kind.

Give hugs, often and sincerely.

Prepare casserole type food that can be used for multiple meals. Do nice fresh fruit salads.

Give your time on a consistent basis so she can go do something frivolous for herself.

Help her with her housework, get a group of ladies together, do a potluck lunch and deep clean her house for her a couple times a year.

Listen without judgment to her vent.

You are awesome for wanting to be a friend for someone facing a challenging time that usually leaves people standing alone. Hugs to you.

Can I spend time with your Mom, so you can have a little time to refresh?

Most people ask caregivers how the person they are caring for is. Very few people think of the caregiver, how they are feeling or ask how they are. Ask your friend how SHE is before you ask her how her parents are. I have lost count of the number of people who ask me how my parents are and never bother asking how I am even though I am on the point of collapse and bursting into tears more and more these days. Your friend may feel like this and somebody taking the time to ask how SHE is can make all the difference.

If you can in any way, help your friend. Be there for her at the end of the phone, bring her grocery shopping, help weed her garden, anything you can do for her if you can spare the time. Be there for her because as we know here, an awful lot of "friends" bail when we are forced to dedicate ourselves to elderly parents and aren't available to go out any more.

Ask your friend how she is, ask if she needs any help and if she does need help follow up on your request. If you can advise her on her parents please do. Be there for her on this long hard journey. We all know how hard it is to get support from friends and family on this journey and one good supportive friend means so much.

I would love for someone to spend a couple of hours with dad just to give me a break.

Oh! - and be a her friend to her mother, too. Treat her like an ordinary grown up and not like a little old lady. I was just mulling over which of my circle were the people I was most pleased to see, and that's what stood out about them.

I love it when people ask how my husband is and then ask how I am holding up and they take time to just listen without offering advice.  Just simply showing an understanding that he is the ill one but that it is hard on me as well.  It matters!

I wish someone would have come for coffee and a chat and maybe bring a pie. It was especially rough while I was caring for my mom when she was bedridden in my home and I had some health issues during this time. Instead, mostly I got "call me when you are ready to go out", or bragging about their vacations since their care giving days were short and ended, or people disappeared entirely. I didn't expect anyone to do hands on care for my mom, just a chat would have been nice.

Truly - I appreciate it a great deal when someone actually asks me - HOW AM I DOING? Usually - it's always - how's your mom? A couple of times over 15 years my brother actually stated that I had my hands full with her and they he appreciated all that I did - yep you heard that correctly. Only two affirmatives in 15 years! She's now 92 and I'm getting more and more exhausted and I have reached out for help. I'm now getting ready to sit her down and tell her that she needs to hire some help. I'm her personal assistant, companion, healthcare assistant, and I also work full time, take care of a home, yard and I have some health issues of my own to take care of. My stress level is very high.

Recently my brother passed and there was a lot of emotional fall out over that. She's definitely going down hill and needs some help but it's expensive. But yes just call, show up and bring something. A meal, a card - money for an outing if possible. A plant and conversation.

It would have been nice if people had just asked how I was doing.