My 93 yo mother’s housekeeper is taking advantage of her. When we tell her, we are the crooks & housekeeper is angel. How can we protect her?

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MeanMother Asked August 2018

My 93 yo mother’s housekeeper is taking advantage of her. When we tell her, we are the crooks & housekeeper is angel. How can we protect her?

My mother is sneaky and refuses to listen to anything me or my siblings say. She calls us crooks and tells everyone she comes in contact with how terrible her children are. The housekeeper stops in anytime she needs money and “pulls weeds” so she can get some cash. Mother is constantly writing her checks and handing her cash. Mothers bank accounts are dwindling. Bank and rehab personnel have warned us about red flags with housekeeper but we can’t make mother see it. We have involved DCFS but since mother loves the housekeeper and mother is not confused, there’s not much they can do. How do we protect her when she won’t let us?

Elder Abuse Mom

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score 0 · Answer 1

Does mother understand the financial consequences of what she is doing? That she will run out of money? And that she cannot count on you to clean up the mess? That this is a fact, has nothing to do with who is or is not a crook.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Thanks FrazzledMama. I’ll look into both!

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score 2 · Answer 3

I would definitely have her seen by a geriatric specialist. The paranoia and giving away money left and right to her housekeeper, especially if these are new behaviors, are concerning. Sometimes with dementia it does start gradually with personality changes like this.

An elder law attorney would be a good resource as well to find out what you can do to protect your mom. Most offer a first initial consultation for free.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Thanks for your suggestions. She is evaluated and tested every year at her doctors office but never at a geriatric specialist.
She refuses to name a POA because she doesn’t trust anyone. She says she has her right mind (and she does) so she doesn’t want anyone writing her bills or handling her business. That’s part of the problem we are facing.

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score 3 · Answer 5

Has your mom ever been evaluated for dementia? Could you get her in to see a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist (or both)? Maybe the housekeeper could even ride with you and mom to the doctor if that's what it takes to get her seen. Meanwhile, before the appointment, you can call the doctor's office or write them a letter describing the situation and mom's concerning behaviors and stating that you want to protect her from being exploited.

Does she have a POA on file? If not, and mom is still mentally competent, you may want to get the medical and financial POA in place now. It sounds like she will eventually need someone to advocate for her best interests to make sure she is not a victim of elder abuse.

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My 93 yo mother’s housekeeper is taking advantage of her. When we tell her, we are the crooks & housekeeper is angel. How can we protect her?

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