My mum is paranoid, agitated & repeatedly asks to go home. She lives on a hospital level and has been for over 2.5 years. Any suggestions?

So how is your mom doing right now? Any updates?

Yes I definitely agree with you Ahmijoy. The elderly tends to listen to people with authority.

You’re welcome for the advice. No, it doesn’t feel right to “lie”. We call it the “Therapeutic Fib”. It’s goes against everything they taught us when we were growing up. But hopefully, they also taught us that kindness matters. And, by using the TF, you are being kind to her. My mother had many obsessions caused by her dementia. The TF became a way of life when I visited her.

Many thanks for your suggestions. The meds & Uti are covered. I am struggling with how to answer her constant angry repetitive demands to go home. I guess well meaning lies are the answer though it doesn't feel right 😯

Great suggestion Ahmijoy. You will have to be patient for her sake and it is not an easy task.

If Mom has been formally diagnosed with dementia, this is very common. If you were to ask her where “home” is, she may describe the home where she lived as a young girl. This is where my mother wanted to go. Paranoia is also common. My mother was convinced there were cameras installed in the light fixtures in her room and they were spying on her. “They” had also moved the entire facility, overnight to Russia.

Do not tell Mom she can’t ever go home. Explain to her that when the doctor says she is “better” she can go. If she says she IS better, tell her you will speak with the doctor and then go about fixing up her home so she can return toit. This is what we call the “Therapeutic Fib”. Tell her the doctor has to give his/her permission for Mom to return home. You can’t take her word that she is better. You will have to repeat this many times. And do have her checked for a UTI. It’s a simple urine test.

Have you had her evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds to address the agitation and paranoia?

If this is a new behavior, please get her checked for a UTI right away.