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jslovescats1 Asked February 2018

I have a Personal Care Agreement set up between mom and me. We agreed on weekly compensation, but I have been unable to take it due to lack of funds. Any advice?

 If I keep a record of the funds I was unable to collect, can I collect at a future time? Can it be after she passes? Does this need to be specified in the Personal Care Agreement?

talkey Feb 2018
I believe you can make a claim against the estate, if there are assets left to liquidate. In my opinion, if there are assets, or even cash during their lifetime, it's ok to charge. It would be different if all siblings contributed, but when one does everything, why should all siblings divide the estate equally?

CarlaCB Feb 2018
dkentz72 - room and board do not begin to cover the loss of income, benefits and savings for someone who is a full-time live-in caregiver, not to mention the opportunity costs of giving up one's social life, private time, and other plans and goals. Your sister may well expect an increased share of your mother's estate (assuming there in an inheritance) and I think she would be entirely justified. If you hired someone from the outside to stay with your mother, he/she would certainly require a salary as well as room and board.

I don't think it's reasonable to say that we should not ask our parents to pay us because we did not pay them for raising us. They chose to be parents, knowing they were bringing dependent people into the world. They were legally obligated to support us. Parent care is a totally different thing. The person who steps up to do it is saving the parent bundles of money that would otherwise be expended for paid care. If the parent can afford it, some compensation should be paid, to compensate the caregiver for the loss of outside income when they can't work due to caring for the parent.

FWIW, my mother is not paying me anything. Not even reimbursement for out of pocket costs like gas and tolls. She can't afford it, so I don't ask even though it's sometimes a financial hardship for me. But I think if the parent can afford to compensate the adult child for part of the lost income from paid work, they really should. And if there's an inheritance, the caregiver should receive more than siblings who haven't made significant sacrifices for the parent's care.

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dkentz72 Feb 2018
I understand why parent/child make agreements like this, I agree with Llamalover 47.

Personally, I would never be expected to be paid for taking care of my Mother. My reasoning is that neither of my parents expected to be paid to take care of me when they raised me. The only way I could pay them growing up was to love/respect them. We, as all parent/child relationships, definitely had our ups/downs; but as I grew older the smarter they became.

I surely do not expect my sibling to claim any type of payment as Mom's so called 24/7 caregiver. Should this sibling attempt to do so, I'll have to "gently" remind said sibling has been living rent free, not paying utilities, food for more than 10 yrs.

If you truly feel entitled to receive payment, I would suggest talking with the family court so as to be legally named as guardian. Should you do this and not knowing the state of your Mother's mental or physical abilities; your Mother will essentially become your child. You will be taking ALL of her rights as an adult from her i.e. being able to vote.

Please think everything over and determine if the money is worth more than your Mother.

Good luck either way.

Llamalover47 Feb 2018
Is your mother living on poverty income? My late mother was and thus, I did not take a penny from her because she did not have it. However, she paid for everything that she used-food, electric, water, heat, taxes, et al.

loveforgrammy Feb 2018
I would say if you need the money for your survival have Mom apply for In Home Care services.

Grandma1954 Feb 2018
If she has no funds now how will you collect later?
If you anticipate on the sale of a house or possessions it will take a long time to get what is owed you. The estate will have to go through probate and all debts will have to be paid as well. (I am guessing you will not be first in line to collect)
(The exception to probate would be if everything is in a trust)
Start application for Medicaid.
Check with Area On Aging there may be programs that will help provide caregivers. I am not sure if you could be one of the paid caregivers or not.

What source of income is there and what are the expenses? If expenses exceed the income she may qualify for many other programs as well. Food, aid with gas and electric bills as well as a possible reduction of property taxes depending on the situation.
If she is a Veteran there may be many other benefits that she would qualify for.

CarlaCB Feb 2018
I believe your unpaid wages would be a claim against the estate. However, that would also be subject to a statute of limitations, I believe. That would vary according to the laws of your state.

jjariz Feb 2018
If she has assets that are not liquid (house, etc), you should talk to an attorney

notrydoyoda Feb 2018
The amount needs to be specified in the agreement. Where is her money going to?

I don't believe that you will be able to collect after she dies.

Maybe she should be on medicaid if she is that poor.

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