Had to admit mom to memory care last week. Horrible guilt. Any advice?

((((Hugs)))) Create your own "mantra" of self- affirmation. Mine are "I am a good daughter" and "No Guilt!" Trust me, these negative feelings may not entirely go away but they will get better!

Feel proud. Proud that you had enough guts to do the right thing.

You absolutely did the right thing, difficult though it was. I did the same 11 months ago, knowing she would be safe, participate in varied activities, and have good care. I lived 400 miles away...so now I visit for morning coffee with her and her neighbors. I'm retired and have integrated myself into her community. Over time she has adjusted fairly well, sun downing regularly each late afternoon where staff guide and redirect her. I take her to appointments and we enjoy a good burger out for lunch now and then. I'm still the bad guy, but when we are together we have evolved into time with lots of laughter, talking about the old days over morning coffee time, finding combs or purses that continually get lost, assisting with dressing (oh, I see you're wearing three bras. You want three or one? Ok. Here let me help.). Sometimes I join her for lunch or dinner. Our time together is quality time. And I have time to enjoy my own life. You are a caring daughter and in time the guilt will lessen as you create quality times with her and recreate your own life.

Yes this is so very hard to do. My mantra was “Safety First” said through many episodes of my own tears.
This is rough and will take daily effort but stay dedicated to providing your mother with safety.
Hang in there! The guilt doesn’t go away so you have to learn to manage it with your mantra and being objective.
Thinking of you both...

You will feel many emotions so please reach out to us
It is heart breaking and exhausting and nothing is easy
But have no regrets about your decision
You are her advocate now and you have not abandoned her

((((((Hugs)))))). You need to keep her safe.

I'm sure if your mother could have predicted her illness would come to this point, she would want you to do just what you've done, for the health and well-being of both of you. Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for you, Kelli. The guilt is very difficult, even when you know you've made the right decision for her and for you.

This is heartbreaking, isn't it? We want to do the best for our moms, but sometimes what is best for them is very, very stressful for us. One of the things she was trusting you for, although she might not articulate it, is her safety. And you are doing what you have to do to protect that.