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innocentvictim Asked January 2018

How to evict an asylum-seeking, mentally-confused and deaf mother-in-law from my own mom's house?

My husband and I are legal immigrants. We got married and had a child early. I'm now 24 with a 3-year-old. Both of us are the only child of our parents. To support us, my dear mom sold her apartment in our home country and bought a house here for us. She is the sole owner, but we are living in it. My dad is 57 and my mom is 55, both of them working and making money (over average but not rich) in our home country. My ungrateful mother-in-law, on the other hand, was in and out of prison for around 15 years since my husband was a little boy. The reason being, she set her mind into something our government doesn't approve of. This thing yielded to nothing (no money or fame gained, nothing) but ruining her own family. When she finally came out of jail, she came to the US seeking asylum. She was reluctant to come here as she was brainwashed in prison. We were also reluctant to take her in because who wants an ex-con to live with one's child? Especially we know very well that she always got herself and her family into unpleasant situations. Selfish, ungrateful, and lowly. I should add that it is more than a tradition for us that parents support their adult children when they get married and/or have children both physically and financially. It's like you got to eat food every day. It does not change when people move abroad. My mom sure has done her bit and I am so so grateful. My grandparents did the same thing. My mother-in-law, who has been staying with us 2 years is stopping to meet expectations in living here. All we want from her is doing light housework and cooking meals on time. Please understand that we have to take into consideration that this is her chance to make up to my husband. Everyone who has little care for her tells her that she should really make it up to her son and it is for her own good. But it is extremely difficult to make her do anything. The reason is the thing that got her into jail is still being pursued by her. Her understanding of this thing is that everything is just ghost, especially family, the only thing that matters is to go out there and give people flyers telling them how bad our home government is and how they are being unfairly and brutally treated. But really, she lives like a ghost - always whining, always! Crawling up in a corner and holding her dear book (written by the creator of this thing) and mumbling. When she is sitting or standing, she always put her hands in her legs and makes a hunchback - this is exactly how she looks like. Everyone she met, she had to tell them her uncommon experience, which really scared away other people. Really pain in the ass when our friends came by. We've seen and talked to people who also practice this thing - they all seem very calm and lead pleasant lives and have wonderful family and children to care for (this is what this thing is really about - to make peace with everything). She is definitely going about this the wrong way. She also has hearing-loss but refused to go to a doctor. There have been many times she took my child without my permission to send out flyers like a rat, which she thinks that by doing so, my child is receiving a bless, when the truth is she is bringing disgrace on my child. My mother-in-law refuses to receive treatment for her hearing-loss, refuses to live like a normal person, and thinks that we owe her a great deal because she sometimes cooked awfully tasted lunch at 3pm and dinner at 9pm, because she attended to my child when I was not available by letting her watch bright screen in dark environment, because she brought us to watch a show (sponsored by that thing) that costs $500 when it was completely paid for by my husband who at that time was only receiving $1800 a month as a graduate student and we were severely in deficit but still accompanied her and stood by her belief by watching that show with her. It is also extremely difficult to communicate with her as we have to write down what we want to express and she can talk back. After many battles, we want to give up. We do not want her to live with us anymore. She can either find her own living here or she can go back to our home country - I don't care. We've heard a great deal of how she dislikes living with us, dislikes this country, and how she wants to go back to her home country. Now that I made it clear that I wish to evict her, she shamelessly wouldn't go! I know why - because she doesn't have means to provide for herself. Now she does nothing and stays in the house my mom bought. That is not okay. Why should my mom pay for her living? I don't care about how this thing will look - I just need her to go. She is only 54 - people at this age still work and many even have teenage kids to support! But she is just shamelessly relying on us, and on my mom's grace! How do I evict her from my home without negative legal consequences coming back on me? I don't care if she just dies out there. I just want to be legally safe is all.

anonymous326422 Jan 2018
Please try to reach out to some agencies who can provide your mom-in-law compassionate assistance before you try to move her out. There are several refugee organizations in your area. If your mother-in-law is from the Middle East or N. Africa, there is an organization in your area called Voices of Refugees which has volunteers who speak Arabic. Their site is vorservices (dot) org. There are a several other immigration and refugee assistance groups in your area, which should have volunteers who speak other languages. They can help your family find affordable housing options for her. Just as importantly, your husband's mom needs to see a doctor and to receive mental health support. Hopefully one of those groups will refer you to professionals who have experience treating political prisoners, which it sounds like your mom-in-law was.

Maybe your husband needs to be the one to talk his mom, and to find help for her. If he is being passive and relies on you to move things forward, you might end up resenting each other. Plus it sounds like you are maxed out. I wish your family luck in finding options that will bring out the best in all of you, and will help your mother-in-law feel more safe and at home in our country.

MountainMoose Jan 2018
I am so sorry for your situation. Others upthread gave you great advice. A side note: if you have any valuables, ensure they're locked up or elsewhere so they're safe. Not saying your MIL may damage or steal things important to you, but situations such as this, if/when it progresses to eviction or demands to leave, can cause some to lash out.

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golden23 Jan 2018
Perhaps she could go to a homeless shelter at some point. I agree you should see a lawyer and start the eviction process. Be very careful about your child. Is there anywhere else your child could go during the daytime while your mil is being evicted?

innocentvictim Jan 2018
She cannot afford anything at all, because she does not work nor does she have any savings. We’ve been providing for her just like we provide for our child for more than two years in exchange for her unwilling labor... If we were to live together, she thinks that we should drop everything and join her in spreading that thing, and that everything should revolve around that thing. The fact that my husband and I want to get better jobs and take our child on a family trip are deemed evil by my mother-in-law. She thinks that we should really be just doing one thing - that thing. But we are not crazy so that’s not going to happen. So because of that, she sure wants to live by herself. But deep down she knows she cannot find a job (she’s deaf and refuses treatment, does not speak English, and she cannot even do housework right. It’s a competitive market out there, housekeeping). She knows that it’s better to live with us than to live on her own. So she chooses not to go, even she wants to go. On one hand, she knows that no one else would take her in and offer her a room and give her food in exchange for her awful labor and her state of mind. No one wants to be near. On the other hand, she is not even remotely grateful that we are letting her stay. In fact, she thinks we owe her, and her reason of not leaving is not because she has no shame, but because my home can make her do her thing better...

Meisie1 Jan 2018
Why don't you look into places she can go as well as starting the eviction process. Are there apartments she can afford in the area? If she's part of the process she may want out just as much as you want her out. But perhaps she's not eager to tell you that. Sometimes all that destructive behavior is a way of letting you know the situation is making her just as unhappy. Find someplace for her to go and then show her what you found. If she's truly not interested then you have to take a hard line and evict her.

jeannegibbs Jan 2018
The rules for evicting someone from a house or apartment are very clear and detailed. It must be done through the court system. The procedure is somewhat different depending on whether the person is a "tenant" (paying with money or labor) or a "guest" (no payment involved.)

A lawyer will be able to determine which procedure you must use, and handle the eviction. An eviction takes about a month in California. I agree with Katie, that waiting period could get very uncomfortable while she is still living there. Be sure to tell the lawyer that she has taken your child from the home without permission.

Katiekate Jan 2018
Contact a lawyer that specializes in Landlord/tenant law in your state.

Even though she pays nothing...once her residence became your home, you must treat her as a tenant...she is a legal resident.

The lawyer will handle the eviction.

This is going to be really difficult and unpleasant. While you are evicting her she will still live there! I would worry that she might turn vindictive and destroy stuff while you are not home. Worry about your family safety. Tell the lawyer all your concerns about her during the eviction process. It can take a couple months in some places.

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