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PLF817 Asked October 2017

Has anyone been sick enough as a caregiver to be placed in the hospital and if so what happens to the aging family member?

My question is has anyone experienced caregiver burnout which resulted in the caregiver getting too sick to care for the family member? I've been taking care of my 91 yo mother with stage five Alzheimers. I have been a full-time caregiver working 133 hours a week and that is minus  5 hours a day for sleep (35 hours a week) and if I don't get any sleep 168 hours a week give or take for the last four years. I don't sleep much because my mother has sundown syndrome. I am working over time trying to place her in a memory care unit and its has been most difficult me. So, while the wheels of medicare turn slowly and all the support community support helpers are also slowly doing their part in coming, I am getting sicker and sicker and I can no longer care for her. So, my second  question has anyone been sick enough as a caretaker to be placed in the hospital and if so what happens to aging family member?

PLF817 Oct 2017
Veronica91 you dug you heels into that question. :-) You are certainly right about fighting for my rights.... I have fought for four hard years, I have sued doctors and won! It's just overwhelming hard as well as working out the finances. They are not running over me but I have burned a lot of bridges fighting for my mothers rights. I do have a reputation! If you know what I mean! Trust me I am no punk! :-) However, I am tired. Thanks for your feedback and time.

Veronica91 Oct 2017
PLF817, You are correct in being concerned about abuse in nursing homes but it sounds as though Mom should be heading for Memory Care if she becomes violent. No one likes the idea but the facts are what they are. Think about what would have to happen if you dropped dead yourself.
As soon as she shows signs of becoming violent and you know what is likely to bring on that kind of behavior. Call 911 and request police and ambulance because she is out of control. Once she gets to the ER and continues to act up they will soon transfer her to a psych unit for evaluation.
If you are really physically sick with something that needs medical treatment immediately seek care. If possible be hospitalized. When they try and discharge Mom stand your ground and refuse to take her home. the staff will give you a hard time and may become quite nasty but don't back down, hard as it will be. By the way I am not suggesting that you are not physically sick or that is all in your mind. You did not tell us what you are sick with and certainly don't need to share that.
Basically what I am saying is that you are the only person who can find a way out of this mess, so bite the bullet with whatever strength you have left and don't let them run you over. You have rights too! Blessings.

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PLF817 Oct 2017
Btw, to all of you who have posted an answer. To be honest I delayed putting my mom in a nursing home despite being burned out. I was very concern about nursing home abuse. Dealing with guilt should a love one be harmed because you place them in a home where abuse will could or do occurred. Take a look at this article's SICK, DYING AND RAPED IN AMERICA'S NURSING HOMES: http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2017/02/health/nursing-home-sex-abuse-investigation/ Also, Serious Nursing Home Abuse Often Not Reported To Police, Federal Investigators Find: http://www.npr.org/2017/08/28/546460187/serious-nursing-home-abuse-often-not-reported-to-police-federal-investigators-fi

PLF817 Oct 2017
Freqflyer, I have paid one to many attorneys to assist me with my mother affairs as well as fired a bunch too! ;-) Anyhoo, you are absolutely right about "it" comes a time. I am over 55 by three years! I think in place but for a nursing home at $4,000.00. Currently her income is to high for Medicaid and I know the difference. For the record I gave of my career in law and sold my home of 20 years to relocate by to my mothers state and move into my childhood bedroom. My mother has five sons that are worthless, thus when I moved back I renovated the house with the hopes of taking out a reverse mortgage to tie up loose ends from placing here in a memory care unite. So, when she transition the house goes to the bank ending any potential drama with the family.

freqflyer Oct 2017
PLF817, make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney to see what options there are for you. There might be an option where Mom pays what she can for a nursing home, and Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] will pay the difference. The Attorney can put you on the right course.

I realize that a nursing home might not be your or Mom's choice, but there does come a time when changes do need to be made if one cannot budget for 24 hour care at home.

Yes, I had crashed and burned several times from exhaustion/stress with my 90+ parents. They forgot I was a senior citizen myself, not that 20 or 30 year old who had a ton of energy... and here I wasn't even living with them :P

PLF817 Oct 2017
macinct did that yesterday in the ER. We were sent home with a ref. For nerouology consult. In the mean-time I am getting sicker. Just got off the phone with the social worker who told me to go to the Er if I am “that’s” sick or have an EMT come and get me. I said will the EMT that both me and my mom to the ER? She said, Oooh I never had this kind of problem. Needless to say I saw this problem coming two years ago and I did everything I knew to do to avoid the problem. All I received was minimum help from the medical community which fleeced the little money we had because my mom income is to high for Medicare and to low for private pay.

PLF817 Oct 2017
I am working on respite, and needless to say that respite care is one of those slow wheels of suppport. Also, my mother has a reputation of being physical with the respite providers and the are hesitate to return to provide help.

Countrymouse Oct 2017
You have my complete sympathy, I just wish I had practical answers for you. I think what tends to happen is that the caregiver, goodness knows how, keeps going through h*ll and high water - or else crashes and burns (don't forget the awful statistics) and then it's remarkable how fast those wheels turn.

All of the professionals will tell you not to let it get to that point. What they don't seem to be able to say is how.

Is there any chance at all of your being offered a respite break?

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