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CherCares Asked October 2017

How do I adjust to my mother's inability to refrain from asking me the same questions over and over again?

Erinm60 Oct 2017
Cwillie, I think I am the closet hider. I posted that a while ago. I organize it. I clean my bathroom drawers , I clean and clean and clean to get a break. When it gets cooler, the attick is next. Only problem is her Fox News will be heard more up there than in my room where I can close the door. Can't do that in the attack. Pull down steps. But yes , when one lives with the person with dementia , it's absolutely necessary to find something to do that brings some peace . My mom's repitition drives me nuts. One of the reasons my closet , my car, ( clean that all the time too) are immaculate. I may be OCD too, but I don't think so.

jeannegibbs Oct 2017
They sell everything on Amazon, cwillie. I've noticed that patience is ususally out of stock. In fact, I've never been able to actually get some.

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GardenArtist Oct 2017
Challenge yourself in a different way. Answer the same question differently each time, so you can think of it not as repetitive but several different ways to answer the same question.

cwillie Oct 2017
They sell patience on Amazon?! Wow, I've got to order some of that ;)

I usually try to help mom with lunch or supper in the NH since it is just about the only time she is awake, and there is a sweet little lady who sits at mom's table who asks me the same questions every day, usually multiple times. Sometimes it isn't anxiety, it's just trying to make a connection, an attempt at conversation. I do patiently answer her questions, but I'm only there for 1/2 hour or so a day.... I sympathize with those having to deal with it constantly.

Sunnygirl1 Oct 2017
I agree. It's one of the most frustrating things that I have ever experienced. It did teach me some things though. I learned how much inner strength that I have. I would try to answer each time as if it was the first time she had asked the question. (Even though it was the 50th or 100th.) To her it was the first time. As stated above, this phase doesn't normally last long though. If you can just get through it.

I'd also explore what she is repeating a lot. With my LO, she was often worried about other people. Like, a relative, staff member, favorite athlete or her cat. She would worry so much it made her anxious and that caused her to obsess over that person, pacing and looking for them. Medication to address her anxiety did help with that and I think cut down on some of her repetitions.

jeannegibbs Oct 2017
Go on Amazon and order the largest industrial strength package of patience that they have.

This is a very annoying thing to deal with, and knowing that your mother cannot help it and is not trying to be annoying only helps so much. In many cases, this phase of the disease fades out on its own. That might be some consolation -- this behavior won't last forever.

I think jayjay is right about remaining calm. Changing subjects is good, too, and may work best if it involves an activity. "We are leaving at 4, so we have plenty of time for a cup of tea and a cookie." "We are leaving at 4. Did I show you the new magazine that came today? Let me get it for you."

This is a very difficult behavior. Don't feel bad that you haven't fully mastered it. Keep working on it the best you can.

cwillie Oct 2017
How do 'you' adjust? Pull out the vacuum, put on your headphones or involve yourself in something that blocks it out. Sometimes if you can't redirect them you just have to walk away, literally leave the room. Or the house. Go hide in the bathroom. I remember one poster hid in her closet (hope it was an extra large one)!

jayjay326 Oct 2017
Usually answering in a calm manner helps avoiding anger and anxiety from patient. Changing subjects also helps at times.

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