My mom is great but for years she has been accusing me and others of stealing from her. She is in complete denial she has a problem. Since I'm closest to her I'm the main target. I could use some tips on how deal with her. She comes up with some crazy stories and I seem to be asking her questions about the stories hoping she would realize it doesn't make sense but it ends up getting worse. Basically I'm guilty and she is just building her case finding more proof that her crazy story is accurate. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
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1. You can not reason with dementia.
2. A Geriatric Psychiatrist can be your best hope.
3. Don't live with a parent who suffers from dementia or Narcissism.
It hurts and it's frustrating when a parent or other loved one accuses you of stealing, lying, plotting etc. but it does no good to try to get them to see reason. It only serves to frustrate you - and them - more.
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Mom misplaces something. She can't find it. How could it disappear? Someone must have stolen it! Mom figures she better hide things so the thief can't get them. Then she not only doesn't remember where she hid them, but that she hid them at all! See! That proves there is a thief.
Oh my. Distressing for Mom and also for the people she accuses (usually the person who is around most often).
As you have discovered, you cannot reason someone out of this delusion. Try to 1) be sympathetic, 2) don't get defensive and 3) offer a solution.
"Oh Mom! Your red silk scarf is missing! How awful. I know how much you like that scarf and it looks so good on you. I know I didn't take it but I could have misplaced it by mistake. I'll help you look for it. If we don't find it by the end of the week, let's go shopping for a replacement."
Here's an excellent article, keep scrolling through the advertisement/guides as there is more to the article. Plus over 140 people responded. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm