My mother has been on hospice for 2 and 1/2 years now. What if she dies while I am on vacation?

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MomMandI Asked April 2017

My mother has been on hospice for 2 and 1/2 years now. What if she dies while I am on vacation?

I have been the primary caretaker for my 89-year-old mother. She has been on hospice for 2 1/2 years now with "end stage" heart failure. 2 weeks ago her BP was 95/51 and they stopped her Lisinopril. BP is back up to 122/61, but her feet and ankles are swelling terribly. My DH and I are supposed to leave for 3 days to "relax", but what if she dies while I'm gone? Do I take the chance and go and worry the whole time or stay home and be angry because once again I'm left to do it all. I have 4 siblings and no help.

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score 3 · Answer 1

I used to worry my mother will die every time I run errands that are under one hour. This worry just exhausted me. Mom was fine whenever I come home. I believe when it's time, it's time. Before you leave, you can ask the hospice team their thoughts on your mother's progress. However, move forward with your plan for a mini-vacation. Your mind-body-spirit will thank you.

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score 5 · Answer 2

Your mom will die when it is her time to die, whether you are holding her hand, have gone home to take a shower, or are on a short vacation break. There is no way you can assure that you will be with her when the moment comes. The quality of your care when you are with her far outweighs whether you are present at her death.

Go. Recharge. Come back and be better able to deal with what faces you then.

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score 3 · Answer 3

My brothers and I have a deal. If mom died while one of is on vacation, there others arrange to keep her on ice until we're all back home.
Take your vacation. I say goodbye to my mom at each visit as though it might be the last.

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score 2 · Answer 4

I have had to make this decision to a extent. I canceled many time do to that worry and it never happened. I understand the fear but it could also happen any day of the week whether you are there or not. If you can go and keep that in mind then I think it would do you some good. You're not abandoning her.

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My mother has been on hospice for 2 and 1/2 years now. What if she dies while I am on vacation?

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