concernedsis, does your sister want you to help her full-time or part-time, or to help take her to appointments and get groceries? Are you caregiving material? Not all of us are cut out to do this type of work, and there is nothing wrong with that.
What are you sister's medical issues? I see from your profile it is mobility, anything else? If only mobility, are you young and strong enough to help her move from her bed to a wheelchair then onto the toilet? Or is still able to do the by herself, at this point in time?
Are you a senior citizen yourself? If yes, this will age you very quickly. I was in my late 60's dealing with parents in their 90's. I just couldn't do what they thought I could still do. In their eyes, I was still that 35 yr old lifting weights. The ship sailed a few years back.
My Dad had around the clock caregivers, each doing an 8 hr shift. And that was costing him $20k per month. Then he decided to move into Assisted Living and that cost was less than half what he was paying the caregivers, who were from an Agency, and who were super great :)
So, you have a lot to think about regarding this request.
Though you can't force her to pay you if she doesn't want to (unless you have a contract, in which can you can force her... in court), she also cannot force you to provide caregiving for free. If you wish to provide free caregiving, that's different. Do so on your own terms. Lots of people choose this path. But if you want to be paid for your services, you have every right to be paid. What you need is a care agreement that spells everything out. You've gotten excellent advice about how to communicate with your sister about what you want. It's important to have these discussions up front to stave off misunderstanding and hard feelings later.
Concerned, are you saying that you don't want to be her caregiver, or are you saying that you will do it if you get paid?
In either situation, make sure that your answer ( chosen from the many terrific examples provided) is short, clear and understood by sis. Don't waffle, don't try to soften the message.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly do that. Would you like me to help you find a reputable aide?"
"Sister dear, I really enjoy your company. But if I am to be your caregiver I will need to be financially compensated."
"No, I'm not in a position to take an unpaid job. I need to prepare for my own old age."
"Are you out of your mind? You expect me to serve you, after all the rotten things you've done to me. Not on you life!"
"If I worked for an agency I would get paid, and they would add on their fees to the bill. We can cut out the middleman and you can save some money!"
"I love you dearly, Sister, but I can't afford to work without getting paid."
"I'm so flattered that you want me to be your caregiver! Let's talk about how we'll handle the payments and taxes and stuff."
But really, I'll bet it is not words you are looking for. It is some encouragement, perhaps? Confirmation that you should get paid? Yes, you certainly should be paid. And you can certainly tell your sister that directly. That may be a new experience after all these years of being the younger sister, but you certainly can summon up your courage and just do it!
I'm not sure what you mean by "legally" get her to pay, but I certainly advise you against taking any illegal actions :-)
Once the two of you settle on an amount and what your duties are, that should be written up in a care agreement. Look up this topic for explanations of such agreements. And this might be something to print out and discuss with your sister: How to Compensate a Family Member for Providing Care
By saying no. Or no thank you, if you want to give her the polite version.
Of course, that feels a little too simple. Your sister wants you to be her caregiver, and has no plans to pay you any compensation for your time or trouble. Well, she can want whatever she likes - but why would you feel obliged to comply? Are you having trouble refusing, for some reason?
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What are you sister's medical issues? I see from your profile it is mobility, anything else? If only mobility, are you young and strong enough to help her move from her bed to a wheelchair then onto the toilet? Or is still able to do the by herself, at this point in time?
Are you a senior citizen yourself? If yes, this will age you very quickly. I was in my late 60's dealing with parents in their 90's. I just couldn't do what they thought I could still do. In their eyes, I was still that 35 yr old lifting weights. The ship sailed a few years back.
My Dad had around the clock caregivers, each doing an 8 hr shift. And that was costing him $20k per month. Then he decided to move into Assisted Living and that cost was less than half what he was paying the caregivers, who were from an Agency, and who were super great :)
So, you have a lot to think about regarding this request.
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In either situation, make sure that your answer ( chosen from the many terrific examples provided) is short, clear and understood by sis. Don't waffle, don't try to soften the message.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly do that. Would you like me to help you find a reputable aide?"
"Sister dear, I really enjoy your company. But if I am to be your caregiver I will need to be financially compensated."
"No, I'm not in a position to take an unpaid job. I need to prepare for my own old age."
"Are you out of your mind? You expect me to serve you, after all the rotten things you've done to me. Not on you life!"
"If I worked for an agency I would get paid, and they would add on their fees to the bill. We can cut out the middleman and you can save some money!"
"I love you dearly, Sister, but I can't afford to work without getting paid."
"I'm so flattered that you want me to be your caregiver! Let's talk about how we'll handle the payments and taxes and stuff."
But really, I'll bet it is not words you are looking for. It is some encouragement, perhaps? Confirmation that you should get paid? Yes, you certainly should be paid. And you can certainly tell your sister that directly. That may be a new experience after all these years of being the younger sister, but you certainly can summon up your courage and just do it!
I'm not sure what you mean by "legally" get her to pay, but I certainly advise you against taking any illegal actions :-)
Once the two of you settle on an amount and what your duties are, that should be written up in a care agreement. Look up this topic for explanations of such agreements. And this might be something to print out and discuss with your sister:
How to Compensate a Family Member for Providing Care
Of course, that feels a little too simple. Your sister wants you to be her caregiver, and has no plans to pay you any compensation for your time or trouble. Well, she can want whatever she likes - but why would you feel obliged to comply? Are you having trouble refusing, for some reason?