Had a supervisor who was like that - I asked his boss how he could possibly deal with this guy. He told me "Come back from lunch 20 minutes early." I did and sat at my desk listening - the boss wanted his subordinate to do something - so, he floated the idea and made it seem that it was actually the subordinate's idea. Then the boss started arguing against it - of course his subordinate defended it to the death and immediately went to put it into effect. I sat there, had heard of this kind of "brainwashing" but never thought I'd see it done.
BTW, I call his argumentative style "Arguing semantics". It drives me crazy. If I say the sky is blue, he will argue that air is clear, and is not blue. If I call a plastic bag white (it is opague) he will say it is not white, not opague, it is colorless. No wonder plastic bags are banned in so many states, after causing so many arguments. Lol. He tries to criticize my driving, ridiculing slow drivers like that little old lady ahead, grandma going too slow (I am a grandma). He says, "green is go.."..trying to get me to respond by speeding up to make the green, now yellow light. (He has never driven and never passed the license exam). Every so often, when he is right about something, (about twice a year), I compliment him profusely. It gets so that I don't want to be right, because he argues that I am wrong.
As I get older, I ask what day it is, or what time is it, just so that out of 24 hours at least I KNOW what hour it ISN't!
Even though this was said in a 'hope to be humorous' way, it is all too true. It is living with a cognitively challenged person, be it aspergers, alzheimers, dementia, depression, or a TBI. As well as other challenges.
The result is that I have become hypervigilant for what is the truth, wanting so bad to believe the one I love. And often doubting if my perception of normal or the truth is real.
Dear 97, Tonight, I will be setting the table. The house has been torn up, unorganized, and it has been a fight to just get it put back into place. By moving the desk into the livingroom, (myself), I can now put the table top over the desk and pretend that is our table! Hubs is still arguing, still resisting, still pouting-he doesn't like any changes-even if it is an improvement back to normal. I was wrong to allow him to take over the house, hoarding things, and just go to my room. But I can take some of your excellent suggestions above instead of becoming so upset when he wants to argue and never change anything.
I know its hard dealing with an argumentative person. Has she always been like this? Or is this a recent change in her personality?
My dad was getting increasingly grumpy. I thought it was just old age. But he had heart failure. In hindsight, I think he also had vascular dementia. I wish I had done more. Or tried to be more patient.
But if this is only a personality conflict then yes, I would just let her be. I would follow the suggestions of the other posters. At this age there is no changing them. I can't imagine its easy losing your independence and getting to this age as well.
Do something beneficial for yourself when she starts. Kegals or put lotion on your hands or do jumping jacks. Go comb your hair and put fresh lipstick on. Water your plants. Straighten Your magazines. Clean the ceiling fan. Set the table with the good china. Do a stretching exercise tape. Read the next page of your book aloud. Touch your toes 10 times. Go put your new red wig on. Maybe she'll think you are company. Don't explain yourself. Just take positive action for you. When you get tired of that paint her toenails. Give her a hug and tell her you don't know what you would do without her. If you don't play the game with her it loses it's sting. If any of this works come back and tell us. We will use you as a test case. You have to be very careful not to become her. Hugs.
I don't think there is any real fix for this, so you have to handle yourself to reduce your stress. My mother was like this and wanted an argument and I didn't. Sometimes I answered that we would just have to agree to disagree - which got me a glare. I had a boss like that once and I would say, "Well, I never thought of that" or some such neutral phrase. It worked with him. If you can find some neutral phrases to trot out, they may help sometimes. I know it is hard. Your mum is in an ALF so you can limit your visits when she gets argumentative. Find a good exit line e.g., "It's been lovely visiting, but I have to go now," and leave.
I hate to say it but my Mom has always had an argumentative personality and all LBD has done is enhanced it. I wish I had an answer for you but I'm struggling dealing with it too.
It is in her personality, so I wouldn't expect anything different. My mother does the same thing. It pushes me away from her. I don't try to change her. I know she's just trying to engage me in an argument. I don't like arguing, though, so I just sigh and walk away. I've wondered if pushing me away is what she is actually trying to do. I don't try to handle it, since it would be pointless and just make me angry.
It drives me crazy.
If I say the sky is blue, he will argue that air is clear, and is not blue.
If I call a plastic bag white (it is opague) he will say it is not white, not opague, it is colorless. No wonder plastic bags are banned in so many states, after causing so many arguments. Lol.
He tries to criticize my driving, ridiculing slow drivers like that little old lady ahead, grandma going too slow (I am a grandma). He says, "green is go.."..trying to get me to respond by speeding up to make the green, now yellow light. (He has never driven and never passed the license exam).
Every so often, when he is right about something, (about twice a year),
I compliment him profusely. It gets so that I don't want to be right, because he argues that I am wrong.
As I get older, I ask what day it is, or what time is it, just so that out of 24 hours at least I KNOW what hour it ISN't!
Even though this was said in a 'hope to be humorous' way, it is all too true.
It is living with a cognitively challenged person, be it aspergers, alzheimers, dementia, depression, or a TBI. As well as other challenges.
The result is that I have become hypervigilant for what is the truth, wanting so bad to believe the one I love. And often doubting if my perception of normal or the truth is real.
Tonight, I will be setting the table. The house has been torn up, unorganized, and it has been a fight to just get it put back into place.
By moving the desk into the livingroom, (myself), I can now put the table top over the desk and pretend that is our table! Hubs is still arguing, still resisting, still pouting-he doesn't like any changes-even if it is an improvement back to normal. I was wrong to allow him to take over the house, hoarding things, and just go to my room.
But I can take some of your excellent suggestions above instead of becoming so upset when he wants to argue and never change anything.
I will use my tablecloth too if I can find it!
My dad was getting increasingly grumpy. I thought it was just old age. But he had heart failure. In hindsight, I think he also had vascular dementia. I wish I had done more. Or tried to be more patient.
But if this is only a personality conflict then yes, I would just let her be. I would follow the suggestions of the other posters. At this age there is no changing them. I can't imagine its easy losing your independence and getting to this age as well.