As the sole live in caregiver for my 87 year old mom, I expect there to be conflicts and personality clashes. Certainly when you are with any one person 24/7 this is the case, but there seems to be more love/hate issues between mother and daughter. My mother has always talked to herself, for as long as I can remember. As she hates confrontations and is passive aggressive I can understand her venting like this and since it's a tactic she's engaged in for years and is also quite deaf, these "conversations" are more ongoing and louder. Now that I am a constant presence, it seems her topic of choice is me. I can hear her ranting in her room saying some pretty nasty things about me. Sometimes, it's so appalling I do confront her and tell her I can hear the bad things she is saying. Her response is always denial. I believe she doesn't know she is speaking out loud since this behavior has become so routine for her. It seems she is verbalizing what is in her mind and doesn't acknowledge that she is speaking these thoughts. I must add here that although she is becoming more forgetful, my mom does not have dementia and is sharp lucid and intelligent. She has never been a social person, and most of her friendships and socializing was always initiated by my father, who passed 17 years ago. Although I have encouraged her to engage with others more, she is not interested and has an aversion to many social interactions. She does enjoy company or family visiting in small groups. I enjoy cooking, so I will invite a couple neighbors over. My siblings live far, but do come visit for short stays. Which brings me to the next issue. She discusses me to others whenever possible. She will whisper about my being OCD, or my personal habits she doesn't like, or things I've supposedly said. Often I can tell the person she is telling is taken aback, especially when they are a close friend of mine, or even my son and niece, sisters and in laws. If she does have a visitor and I walk into the room, there is a noticeable hush and awkward change of subject. Many of the people she makes these comments to, mention things to me to indicate they take it lightly or feel bad. I just don't know how to deal with this. I have attempted to discuss having a more appropriate conversation with me regarding things that bother her. Mostly she will deny or she will tell me she appreciates what I do. But this contrary behavior continues and makes me feel like an evil child, or that she simply does not like me very much. It doesn't help that I become irritated because of this, which adds fuel to the fire. Should I just ignore this, and let it be her issue not mine, or how can I address it without embarrassing others as it's occurring ?