How do I force my grandma's 3 grown children to take care of her?

The rehab was wrong to tell you that. It is an unsafe discharge if you are not able to care for her 24/7, which you cannot if you work and have children. They cannot report you for abandonment. They would have had to either find her a nursing home or keep her there until they did. Please either take her to the hospital or call her regular doctor and have them help you get her into a nursing facility. I am surprised that hospice isn't helping you to get her more help if she is bed bound. If she only gets $800 a month, she is definitely eligible for Medicaid. The nursing facility is able to take her and apply on her behalf. I am so sorry you are going through this and so overwhelmed. Hang in there!

If she only gets $800/mo, apply for Medicaid. Contact your Area Agency on Aging for some other resources as well. This is wrong on so many levels. Good luck!

Dear overwhelmed,

I'm so sorry hear what you are going through. You have a heart of gold for trying to do as much as you have. Its not right that her three children have abandoned her. And its not right for you to carry all the burden and responsibility of her care either.

Please talk to a social worker. There has to be options. There are resources in the community but sometimes its hard to know where to start. Try calling the town office and see if they can point you in the right direction.

Thinking of you.

She was being treated badly at my mom's house because she was more mobile and I think it annoyed my mom's husband. I told her she could stay with us which she did for 2 years happily but she had a bad fall a few months ago and broke her hip. The rehab facility said she would never walk again and I kept telling them that there was NO WAY I could care for her with my hectic life. I am married but my husband works nights and I have a 10 year old, 2 year old, and 3 month old baby!
I work 9-5 and have a nanny during the day but she has her hands full with the kids.
The hospice people come only once a week and I've recently hurt my back trying to get my gramma onto the portable potty chair. I'm just overwhelmed.
The rehab said that I HAD to take her home or they would report me for abandonment even though I'm just her granddaughter! Her 3 grown children are all retired and live close by but they are refusing to care for her.
She only gets 800 dollars per month to live on...she can't afford to stay in a home and her children say they can't afford to help pay.
I don't want to abandon her but my marriage, children, and career are suffering!

Goodness. Whoever decided that it was on you to do this? If she is bedridden and you work, that is not good at all. If there is no one who can be with her all day, then she needs to be in a facility. Talk to her doctor about starting the process. The doctor can recommend placement and get things moving. Does she have enough money to pay for a facility? If not, start the application so she can receive assistance from Medicaid.

You're a trooper to have done this for your grandmother, but she needs a higher level of care. And you need to devote yourself to your children and your job. You're not failing your grandmother; you are helping her to find a better place for her.

Tell her grown children that in so many days, she is not your responsibility and you refuse to be used as convenient free help.

How did you get into this situation in the first place? Next time she is sick have her transported to the ER and refuse to take her home again. You will be given a hard time and probably threatened but stand firm and tell them you can no longer care for her and she needs NH care. You presumably have to work so can't be there to care for her while you are working which could be viewed as neglect. Are two of the children forced to share a room because grandma has to have one. this is especially true if the kids are of opposite sexes. Are you a single Mom?