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My mother past away a year ago very unexpected she was my best friend and she was my grandfathers only caregiver she lived with him . I was staying with him at the time my mother past because he can't be alone and now my husband and three children have moved in to take care of him also even though I have a home . We sleep on couches we don't have dressers my sons are constantly staying in the finished basement because they have no where to go In The house . My grandfather is 94 he is with it sometimes he walks with a cane but sometimes I think he thinks I'm not married I don't have three kids I dont have a house I don't know what he thinks he calls me my mother.he does need help with showering and hygiene It's been hard the family his other children don't help they don't want anything to do with him . I love him I don't want to put him in a home but I do t know how much longer I can do this. I miss my mother I still have to deal with that grief My children are miserable I need help advice a miracle .

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Dear Aiello,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your mother. It was very honorable and decent of you live to try and move in and help your grandfather.

But given the needs of your family, I don't think this situation is very practical. Because you are already asking this question, I think if you continue in this way, it will only lead to more anger and resent. Please consider talking to a social worker and exploring all your options. There has to be nice facility that you will be comfortable with in placing your grandfather. I know it will not be an easy decision, but you will still be there to help advocate for him without sacrificing your own family.
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I am sorry for your loss. Often times the caregiver will pass unexpectedly before the one they are caring for. Either get grandpa in home care or find a facility that will work for all of you. Your priority should be your own family and life. Not grandpa's! Tell your aunts and uncles you will do this until a certain date. Send you husband and children home. This is a terribly stressful situation for the children to be living.
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Your Grandpa needs to be in memory care It isn't fair to any of you to have his in this situation.

He needs the kind of round the clock care that you cannot provide.
Your husband deserves the marriage he signed up for
Your kids deserve their own home, rooms, family, and friends...not this ad hoc arraignment.
And...your deserve a life!

No one is really doing well with this situation. Do everyone a favor and find He the care he needs.
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I am so sorry you have had so much heaped on you.

Your young family should be your priority. Your grandfather has had a full life and is obviously loved, very much by you. I know the thought of putting him in a home doesn't sit well with you but if you find a nice place where he receives round the clock care and activities and such, you can rest in the knowledge that you provided him with the best care possible. Just not by you personally. That will allow you and your husband and children to move back home and gain some normalcy. I think it will also help you grieve for your mom.

Sending you love and light and hoping you find a way to work through this.
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It doesn't seem fair that we have to change our lifestyle so that our parent can keep their own. This is so unfair for your family.

Is it within your Dad's budget so that he could live in Assisted Living? Maybe he could sell his house and use the equity to pay for this care. Then you can go back to your home.
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