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ladydye52 Asked November 2016

How do I get my elderly mother legally out of my home?

She will not go just talking to her she is abusive to me, impossible to live with an its my home! My situation I own a mobile home in San Jacinto ca .  I let my mother move in 9/20/2014.  I became her ihss worker, I had to quit because she was threatening me with calling the police on me, or adult protective services.  I called adult protective services myself and told them I could not take it any more that I was going to kill myself or her. They came out and talked to us both, said they would help, they never did.  She has another person coming to my home as her ihss worker, screams at her constantly that she is not doing her job either, threatening her to call and get her fired.  I just want my mother out, the only way I can do it is to evict her per the supervisor of the current ihss worker.  My mother is 82 in a wheelchair on SSI she pays me nothing and says I can not evict her because she is disabled.  Please ; please ; I need help I will pay to get her out.  My name is Diane I am 64 daughter to Mary .  I can pay with credit card to do this in the long run I will save money getting her out, she is abusive to me, to the point I am becoming a nervous wreck.

jeannegibbs Nov 2016
Of course you can evict her. And of course she will try to convince you that you can't. You will need to go through the eviction process in your county, giving the correct number of days notice, in the format required, etc. If necessary, a sheriff can physically remove her. Because there will be a delay, get started immediately, and also notify her case worker or APS.

I happen to know this because one of our posters went through the same thing a couple years ago and shared her experience step-by-step. It can be challenging, but it truly is possible to determine who you will and will not allow in your home -- and make it stick!

pamstegma Nov 2016
Baker Act her.

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Sunnygirl1 Nov 2016
I'd speak with an attorney to get your options. I'd explore eviction, involuntary commitment, Domestic Violence Retraining Order, etc. See what is available in CA. It sounds like she may not be stable and possibly incompetent.

AliBoBali Nov 2016
In order to get HUD Senior/Disabled housing, mom would have to apply and there will likely be a wait list. If mom just refuses to go anywhere, go file those eviction papers. There are shelters and other places that APS can place her temporarily. It doesn't mean you're turning your back on your mother, just means you realize that you can't continue to care for her in your home. If she is unwilling to make changes, you will have to force the issue.

Do you or are you willing to take anti anxiety medication? There are deep breathing techniques that work to calm us when we're stressed. They work!! I know because I've had to use them. When my dad pushes my buttons I have to walk away, get to another room or hide away in my bedroom, do some deep breathing, distract myself... whatever it takes so that you limit the stress on yourself. You need a relatively clear head to make some decisions about what to do. Hard to think straight when we can't see straight. (((((hugs)))))

AliBoBali Nov 2016
Can the social workers with APS recommend a place for placement? Sounds like you need a social worker to help you get mom into another place. I don't know what she receives in SSI but she may qualify for HUD senior housing and she can go have her own place that she can afford. Is she truly disabled? These HUD places allow for people with limited disability, such as being in a wheelchair, as long as she can remember to make her own meals, do her own bathing.

I suppose if you truly are in fear of hurting her or yourself (been there...), then you could take her to a hospital and drop her off and say that you cannot care for her anymore.

Maybe others will have input on whether or not that is a legal option. I've read that if she is admitted to hospital you can refuse to take her back to your home on grounds that you cannot provide adequate care but they may transport her back to your house in an ambulance, anyway. I feel for you.

Until you get the situation resolved, please stick around and post and vent as needed. The worst thing you could do would be to allow the situation to fray your nerves to the point you do something that you regret permanently. That's not an option. Until you have a plan in place, stick around here, please.

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