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Karenbell Asked April 2016

Can my sister use my elderly fathers money to pay for her personal bills?

My father has dementia and lives by his self. My sister who lives less than a mile away was stopping by a few times a week. She was put on his bank account so now it's a joint account. She is suppose to be using the money for his personal needs but has used it to pay off her condo and for other bills. My father does not have a clue what is going on. My father lives in a small condo and was seen wondering around so a neighbor called her and she went over and took him back to his condo then had someone reverse the lock so it could only be opened from the outside, so he was locked in. One day a neighbor called DCF because he was calling for help. When they arrived they called the police and they were going to arrest her but DCF said he appeared to be clean. They let her off but told her he cannot be left alone at any time. Instead of having him move in with her (she is single) she has someone go there 3 or 4 hour a day, and then she goes there but does not stay all day but sleeps there at night. She told someone that she will not put him in a nursing home because she will loose his money. I just found out what has been going on and all the lies she has told. I live In another state and am disabled. What can I do about getting my father the help he needs and stop her from spending every bit of his money?

igloo572 Apr 2016
Keep in mind that since you live in another state, if you attempt Guardianship, the judge is likely unlikely to grant it to you. Judges tend to want the guardian to be living within their courts jurisdiction.

If there is another family member, besides the Sister you have concerns about, the judge would likely name them IF they want to be named. Otherwise court will likely appoint an outside guardian from a list of persons already vetted by the court & state to be a guardian. Court appointed guardian can but does not have to consult with family regarding their care or finances. But if there have been improprieties by Sissy with dad, they will be able to do things -like file charges for abuse or theft - much more easier than you ever could.

Rainmom Apr 2016
A while back I read a story in the news about an autistic young man living with his parents. Evidently the parents had gotten in the habit of locking him in his room when they needed to make a run to the store. The house caught fire and the young man parished in the fire. What a horrible way to go. And yes, the parents were charged with a crime - death resulting from negligence. So it definately does happen.

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GardenArtist Apr 2016
I think you also need to verify the allegations made against your sister. Since you're not there physically and haven't been that involved, you need to make sure that the situation being described is accurate, especially since the allegations against your sister are hearsay. The "someone" needs to be identified.

The police have apparently verified that locked-in situation, and other aspects, so they're reliable.

If you do consider guardianship, the issue of your own health would probably be a factor, as well as the fact that you were unaware and apparently not involved with your father's care for some time. I'm not blaming you, just suggesting that it could be a factor in whatever legal action you might take.

And given your disability, it doesn't seem likely that you would be able to care for him, so you're probably looking at a placement somewhere.

freqflyer Apr 2016
Karen, time to set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, and bring to the meeting all the written proof you have that your sister was using your Dad's money for her own use. Then let the attorney give you what he/she thinks would be the best approach.

I believe it is illegal to lock a person in a home, what if there was a fire, how would your Dad get out? I think it is time for Dad to have a higher level of care. He needs to sell his condo and use that money to live in Assisted Living, or apply for Medicaid if he needs around the clock care.

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