He says mean things and kind of treats me bad. I'm the only one involved in his care. Macular degeneration. Also now problem with low platelets. He makes me feel like crap. He's controlling. Idk.
The best way to handle your fathers anger is to walk away from him. Ignore the jibes, don't answer back and just go.Go back a few minutes later, when you have a breather. As hard as it is, you have to learn to do that for your own sanity. Elderly people take it out on those closest to them, their family. Don't let him make you feel like crap, you are worth more than that. All the best. Arlene Hutcheon
My father has macular degeneration (advanced) and I have the beginnings of it. He also has a fear of going blind and so can get quite anxious about this.....but he does not get angry because of this. Has he had a neurological work-up? I ask this because unwarrented anger can be part of Alz. My mom (she died of Alz. last year) became a very angry person during the early-mid stage of her disease. She would say and do the most awful things....accusing us of stealing, calling us names and just being hateful toward us for no reason....except that her mind was failing her and she was striking out at those around her. It sounds as if your Dad has more going on then just MD....his platelets are really low, and his anger issues are hurting those who care for him. These all need to be addressed as have been suggested by all who have responded to you here. If he does have some sort of dementia, please, please remember that no matter what he says in anger you are NOT to blame...the disease is. I'm not saying that it's easy to just ignore what he is saying (because from personal experience I KNOW it hurts) but try to remember you are not/ were not the cause of his anger! My blessings to you.
You are not alone in dealing with an angry parent. My mother has some really awful days. A book that has helped me to deal with it is Elder Rage: Take My Father, Please by Jacqueline Marcel. I also read Alice in Wonderland. My mother definitely has Red Queen days. Humor helps a lot.
Oh, about vascular dementia -- it is a form of dementia that is caused by strokes or mini-strokes damaging the brain. If your father's platelet count is low, he is at risk for vascular dementia. Low platelet counts can lead to bleeds in place, including the brain. Brain bleeds can rob sites of blood beyond the bleed, so cause damage. I don't know if that has happened yet for your father. It is a good thing to prevent.
Serenity, bloodwork is the compass that tells the MD where to go from here. It's like following a trail of clues to the hidden answer. Vascular dementia is the breakdown of blood flow in the brain, either blockages or bleeds that deprive the brain of oxygen. Anxiety and anger are early signs, along with forgetfulness.
About the anger -- just keep your unloaded finger pistol and your bag of tricks, whatever they are, that make you feel better. And take a deep breath and remind yourself that it isn't you. Try to let the anger drift away. It is why I like your name serenity. The anger you feel will leave in a couple of minutes unless it is escalated.
I can think of a few things that could cause low platelet counts -- leukemia, certain blood infections, lack of blood stimulatory factors, to name a few. I would have a diagnostician (internal medicine) do the work until the cause is known. It may be something that is fixable.
BTW, people who don't feel well are often cross. If you can find out what is wrong and find something that makes him feel better, it may improve his disposition. Fingers crossed for a good outcome.
I know. We thought md would do bone marrow test. All he did was cbc. It could be cancer. Im going to get to the bottom of it. Poor dad is stressed. Me too.
What is vascular dementia? I feel like theres nothing i can do right. Im 55 and taking classes to get back into the workforce. Im tired of his attacks and putdowns. He has nothing nice to say about anyone. His moods effect me terribly.
BTW, someone can receive an infusion of platelets if it is needed. Someone does need to look at that to see if there is something wrong in the blood marrow that can be corrected. It sounds like he needs a complete diagnostic workup. Low platelet count doesn't just happen without a reason.
Serenitynow, my Mom had macular degeneration for the last 15 years of her life.... what helped her to cope was everything had to be in its place for her to find the item, no different than someone being totally blind.
My Dad wasn't much on putting things back and that would get Mom upset... come on, Dad, put the stapler back on Mom's desk where you found it. Any time I would bring over groceries, my Mom would quickly put everything away so she will remember where it was in her mind... she didn't want Dad to help her as he would just put the item in any old place :P
Serenity, I like your name, particularly when we're talking about our elders being mad at us all the time. My mother has vascular dementia and has a hare-trigger temper. She is angry with me so often that it makes life difficult. She stays in attack mode, so I'm afraid to say things very often. I know how you feel.
What to do when they get mad and start attacking? Walk away and realize that it is not you. Your first impulse will be to yell back at them, but that will just escalate the problem. Most likely your father will insist on being right and will make you feel even worse. So walk away and find a way to soothe yourself. It can be difficult. I find doing things like deep breathing, talking sweet to my rabbit, or lying down helps a lot. Of course, I also keep my trusty finger pistol handy when it gets too bad. It's not loaded, of course, so does no harm even if I shoot myself many times with it. :-) That sounds terrible, but doing little things like this help me discharge frustration. We have a joke on some of our threads about having helmets so we can knock our heads on the wall without hurting. A little humor can make things better.
Sometimes when my mother is in prime form (like tonight), I get on the group and tell others how to cope when their parent is so angry. I don't know why it has to be so hard, but it can be.
We went to see a hematologist/oncooigist. His platelets dropped by 20k in two months. The dr did not offer a diagnosis. Now he needs colonoscopy and it cant he done due to platelets. Were going to see his primary care doc to find out whats going on. Im a little scared. Also, i think he may have been exposed to mold. More testing needs to be done. The hematoligust asked him if hed had any strokes. And if hes been on antibiotics. No. So idk.
I agree with freqflyer, there is more going on, have the MD find out why platelets are low. Macular degeneration can also be a sign of mini strokes or TIA's (transient ischemic attacks) that would affect mood and memory.
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Vascular dementia is the breakdown of blood flow in the brain, either blockages or bleeds that deprive the brain of oxygen. Anxiety and anger are early signs, along with forgetfulness.
I can think of a few things that could cause low platelet counts -- leukemia, certain blood infections, lack of blood stimulatory factors, to name a few. I would have a diagnostician (internal medicine) do the work until the cause is known. It may be something that is fixable.
BTW, people who don't feel well are often cross. If you can find out what is wrong and find something that makes him feel better, it may improve his disposition. Fingers crossed for a good outcome.
My Dad wasn't much on putting things back and that would get Mom upset... come on, Dad, put the stapler back on Mom's desk where you found it. Any time I would bring over groceries, my Mom would quickly put everything away so she will remember where it was in her mind... she didn't want Dad to help her as he would just put the item in any old place :P
What to do when they get mad and start attacking? Walk away and realize that it is not you. Your first impulse will be to yell back at them, but that will just escalate the problem. Most likely your father will insist on being right and will make you feel even worse. So walk away and find a way to soothe yourself. It can be difficult. I find doing things like deep breathing, talking sweet to my rabbit, or lying down helps a lot. Of course, I also keep my trusty finger pistol handy when it gets too bad. It's not loaded, of course, so does no harm even if I shoot myself many times with it. :-) That sounds terrible, but doing little things like this help me discharge frustration. We have a joke on some of our threads about having helmets so we can knock our heads on the wall without hurting. A little humor can make things better.
Sometimes when my mother is in prime form (like tonight), I get on the group and tell others how to cope when their parent is so angry. I don't know why it has to be so hard, but it can be.