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LostinAZ Asked January 2016

My Father has completely changed in personality and is creating issues. Any advice?

My Father and Mother live together.  I am long plane ride away.  My father thinks my mother is sleeping around (they are both 80 and 77). Of course it is not happening but my mother cannot mentally deal with the 24/7 stress of dealing with his issue. He is obsessed with it all day long and must leave but doctors think he is of sound mind. He is mentally abusive but we cannot get him to leave to a nursing home or assisted living care because he thinks he does not need it. He's essentially blind and barely can get up to go to the bathroom or bath himself. He needs someone with him 24/7. Has fallen out of his walker many, many times. What do we do. Since he has been deemed "sain" we cannot force him to go anywhere. He even wants a divorce but we can't get him anywhere....he thinks he can live in an apartment by himself. We know he cannot and it's a risk to himself that he does not understand. Completely lost with what to do....

pamstegma Jan 2016
Have you called their county social services? Sent a written request to check their welfare? Notified their 911 service how to contact you in an emergency?

LostinAZ Jan 2016
Not sure how this helps. She is the caregiver. She leaves no one can be with him. They cannot afford a live in care person. So getting her out can be done but it leaves him with no help. He leaves or she does, great, understood but I can't get him to a place as he won't go

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BarbBrooklyn Jan 2016
Your father is suffering from delusions and needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist, which may be easier said than done. So lets leave dad to one side right now.

Can you get mom out of there? To an apartment, Independent Living, a siblings home for a vacation? Dad might be easier to deal with if mom is not in the picture, temporarily.

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