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ErinLP Asked December 2015

Taking my husband away from me! How can I prevent this while on a fixed income?!

My husband is 84 years old and I'm 53 years old. He has mild dementia that is affected by his thyroid problem.
I started a full-time job and called a number of aging care agencies, including our county agency. I was looking for a volunteer or free person to come and help my husband, as we cannot yet afford to pay someone. I was told the I "may have to leave Michael at home for awhile until I could afford home care." This Tuesday, a county social worker brought police over to our house while I was at work and kicked in our door and removed him to a hospital.
What's worse, is that they examined when his thyroid gland was acting up, so his dementia was aggravated by this. I had to go to a court hearing this Thursday - and now I have another court hearing on Jan 7th, where they could "take custody" of my husband and take his pension money, meaning I would have trouble paying our bills.
The county social worker believes that Michael could come home and that "Family care" could be provided. Another worse aspect of this is that Michael is recovering and his dementia is improving -- and he is asking to come HOME all the time at the hospital! How can they do this after I asked for "constructive and positive" help?!

I have not received my first paycheck yet, so I have no idea what I can pay someone for help. We have a large credit card debt because of Michael's dementia behaviors. Lastly, we live in Wisconsin.

ErinLP Dec 2015
Thanks, Beth. I already do all of that for him.

Beth1947 Dec 2015
You would be the obvious choice for guardian "of the person" which covers everything, both medical and financial. When a guardian is appointed, they are completely responsible for all aspects of another persons life and have to file a yearly report to the court. If no one in the family wants to be guardian, you can request a public guardian. There are benefits to having someone emotionally detached but at least in my State there are fees involved.
Hope this helps.

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ErinLP Dec 2015
First of all, this is not a criminal case, but a case to "give custody" to some sort of "guardian." This also means that this "guardian" could control his pension and SS payments, which I take as making decisions with his money where I could be out of house and home. I use our car for my job and we make payments on our car. They could refuse to make car payments, which means I'm also out of a job!

This stems back from last summer when a Meals-on-Wheels saw him crawling on the floor. This floor crawling was known to the physical therapists and nurses that were coming to our home. It was known to his doctor. Rather than asking his medical staff about the floor crawling, the Meals-on-Wheels called the cops, and made almost no efforts to talk to me...

We are supposed to get "'Family care" from the county, where Michael could come home and we'd get home care.

anonymous281963 Dec 2015
Just guessing, one possibility is maybe he was over medicated on the thyroid meds?
Would he require placement with mild dementia?

anonymous281963 Dec 2015
"Another worse aspect of this is that Michael is recovering and his dementia is improving?"
Can you explain what exactly you need help with? This is frightening for you, I understand. Can you break it down into small portions so there is a clearer picture of how to help you?

pamstegma Dec 2015
ErinLP, they don't take all the money. You get a community spouse allowance. Now get yourself a lawyer to go to court with you and arrange proper placement for him.

freqflyer Dec 2015
Kicked in the door? Court hearing? Really?

GardenArtist Dec 2015
Erin, I can't help thinking there's a missing step here. If I understand correctly, you asked county staff for help, but were told that you might have to leave him alone until you could afford to fund home care yourself. Then a social worker accompanied by the police forcefully enter your home and remove your husband.

Did something happen inbetween that wasn't posted? It seems like quite a long leap from advice to leave him home while you work to battering down the door to remove your husband.

I honestly don't know the bases on which you would have to appear at court hearings, apparently for charges of elder abuse or neglect? But I can't help thinking there's more to this situation than has been reported.

Did you document all the conversations you had with county officials?

If you were required to appear in court, there will have been pleadings filed which stated the charges against you. You should have been served with copies; what do they allege?

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