Follow
Share

I am an only child with a mother who is nearing the end of her journey with dementia. She and my stepfather have been married 30+ years. He has moderate dementia.
She has issues with aspiration, incontinence, no longer speaks, doesn't recognize family, has skin breakdown and is a brittle diabetic. Pops is insisting that she will get better because the cure is around the corner.
Mom's circulation is so bad that the breakdown won't heal. Hospice has been recommended, but Pops says no that is murder. He does not have her mpoa.
The head of Medical Management says he has all right of decision making even if he is incompetent because I don't have his mpoa or hers. She seems to be saying even if incompetent he has the right to sign Mom's consents and make her healthcare decisions.
Is she right?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Mom is end stage ALZ no speech x4 years so no ability to make choices. APS didn't take custody, felt as long as they were happy...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You can file for emergency guardianship over your mother. It should be heard quickly as she is in danger. I'd Google info for guardianship in your area to limit legal costs. I did many of these as a nursing home s.w., although in NH. It sounds like you might be able to get guardianship of your father too since if he is declared incompetent by a psychiatrist and medical doctor, he loses decision making power for himself and your mother.
Again, I'm not in Texas, but would also suggest looking into an Ombudsman. I'm sure any area nursing home social worker could tell you what is available in your area. I realize this sounds dramatic, but if necessary call an ambulance and have her taken to an ER. The open areas would qualify her likely for admission and then the hospital social work staff would step in.
In short, be as proactive as possible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Midori6, even with dad's dementia recognized, you would need to seek Guardian status for mom. It's not automatic. It sounds like APS already has protective custody. You could ask Hospice to come in to speak with her, but the final decision is up to mom, not dad, not you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The Medical Management was actually at the hospital where Mother is at currently. I can't thank everyone enough just for being here. The support is great. Mother's Hospitalist is also putting her case before the ethics committee to have Pops declared unfit and me placed as the person in charge of her care.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Midori, I think the person who told you that your father has rights of decision make notwithstanding his dementia is flat out wrong. If your father isn't understanding the situation, and is thinking of taking your mother to CO to get pot or something more serious, that to me is one indication of his lack of ability to make a cogent decision.

I'm glad you're seeing an attorney; hopefully it's an elder attorney as they're more familiar with the issues you're facing.

I'm glad the hospital has contacted APS. Is this where the Medical Management person told you your father has decision making rights over your mother's care?

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I've made an appointment to consult with an attorney. The hospital has contacted APS, maybe this time the result will be the one that is best for Mother. Pops mentioned taking her to CO for Marijuana treatment and asked where to get heroin....so yeah. Fingers crossed. Living wills, MPOA's get them. I made mine out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I live in Texas. I've had APS out to the house many times the last 4 years. He denies weapons in the house they go with it. I was able to put her in a LTAC for 6 weeks while he cleaned the trash out of the kitchen,bedroom and front room. He also put a lock and door knob on the front door. APS said he could have Mother back at home with home health 7 hours a day.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

And if he threatens the cops he'll be arrested and taken out of the picture.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I believe guardianship and such other actions take a long time to go through the courts and in this case it doesn't sound like your mother has much time left so it's a moot point. The guns must be removed immediately! The fact that you and your mother are in danger should get the local cops on the doorstep asap.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I agree with Ashlynn. My father has severe dementia and became super paranoid. He was a Sheriff's Deputy and avid outdoorsman so he had several guns. He threatened to shoot my mother when she told him he had to change his clothes. Whether or not he would, it was a threat to take seriously enough to remove all weapons from the house. Why wait until something bad happens? You could always seek to gain guardianship of your mother and step father in order to make decisions on their behalf.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The thought of someone with dementia, even mild or moderate, having guns and threatening to shoot someone just freaks me out! Windy is right. You have to get her away from him before there is some tragedy. I hate to say it but it's not unusual for these scenarios to turn into murder/suicide. Sorry if I'm scaring you but you must get those guns away from him immediately. Please go to the police, explain the situation and make a statement of his threat to shoot you. I fear for you all.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I see one of two situations here.as Ashlynne said it may be to late to do much of anything. If not, if this guy is threatening to shoot you take some kind of legal action to get mom out from under his control. There's no magic solution here. Access the situation from the standpoint of your moms welfare. What would be the best course of action for her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

YeGods Midori, shoot you??? You need to get the police involved and get his guns taken away asap!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mother came to the end of her journey with dementia (along with parkinsons and strokes) in September so I can relate. I'm in Canada and I don't know where you are or what options you might have where you live. If you tell us where you live perhaps others can chime in. Is your mother in a nursing facility or at home?

Your father is in denial, which is understandable. My father passed 16 years ago after a heart attack. My mother and I were at the hospital on the Friday and they said they would do a bypass on the Monday and to go home (I lived 200 miles away at the time). Somehow I knew he would pass but in my mind he wouldn't go if I wasn't there. Crazy huh? He passed in the night a few hours after we left.

My mother was in a nursing home for three years prior to her passing. From your description of your mother's present condition it is the same as my mother and she passed a short time later. There may be nothing you can do at this point. My heart goes out to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I've had Hospice out twice. The first time was the first time he threatened to shoot me.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

She may be but it may be worth getting some legal advice. It sounds like she is suffering and time for hospice. You might also try to get someone from hospice to speak to SF and explain its not murder, she will get good care, she will be made comfortable. Many times people improve under hospice care for awhile.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.