Mom wants to call the police to remove our agency caregiver, who to her, is a stranger. What would you say or do?

Update: since I am using a temp agency until I find a perm caregiver for her (if I ever do!) - they are switching out girls every few days. This is problematic because mom keeps seeing different people "in her home" every few days. She can't bond or get adjusted, nor does she want to. Yesterday I decided to give the new (another one assigned) caregiver a break. Took mom out for groceries while she was madder than a hornet. I COULD NOT REDIRECT HER FOCUS AT ALL. she followed me in the cart, talking loudly, "You are a terrible daughter! If only your father knew what you were doing!" and "I'll move! I'll go back to Connecticut! I want everyone OUT!" and worse. yep, she said worse. By the time I left, after many sympathetic awkward smiles of support in the store, I was fried. I snapped at her. I got her home, gave her her meds, and I realized something. She is not on any anti-ANXIETY meds. None, and this is a woman who, in personality trait alone, has always been a nervous wreck; a true neurotic. I called the doctor today and told them she needs something and make it pack a punch because otherwise, i'll lose all help, and I will have no other option than placement, which I am trying to avoid because I like her being across the street in her own home with her dog, and mostly because I do not want to pay more to lose one-on-one care for her. I'd literally pay more and get less for my mom. Tomorrow doctor is squeezing us in. They just have to give her something for anti anxiety. I heard about Ativan and Klonopin. Anyone have experience with settling down someone who obsesses and won't let go, someone who gets so excited she is shaking? You cannot reason with dementia. She is a nervous wreck with all the "strangers" and will not admit she needs help (of course..)

When it comes to meds, let me gently remind you that mental pain is as excruciating as physical pain. If the MD prescribes a psychotropic, an antidepressant or even anxiety medication, it should be given. Withholding it often creates more problems than it solves. If the anxiety takes off uncontrolled, the heart does too, with dire consequences.

We had to get creative to get mom to take her meds when she was at that stage. Everybody was an impostor. Everybody. Especially me. The "nurses" were homeless people they brought in off the street. Of course, without her meds, this only escalated throughout the day.

Somebody told her they were vitamins for some reason, and she'd take her vitamins but not "those pills they're trying to poison me with".

Why can't they make these medications in the form of a gummy bear? Who says no to a gummy bear? ;-)

Hi all. Well, mom got up, ate breakfast today, and next thing I know she was at my front door chipper and ready to go shopping at Ross with the lady. So go figure. while this will not be a perm solution caregiver, it is temp for about 9 days and thankfully I think the temp is getting to know what mom's schedule SHOULD BE now. I really hope that she is putting out an effort to get to know mom and find a bond with her. I will update. But for now, mom's schedule is at least more what it should be and no outbursts this morning, though this evening could be a different story. As far as taking meds? won't take them for her....

What I would do and have already done is top contact the police and let them know my mums level of vulnerability and associated issues and given them my mobile phone and also the key safe number should anything drastic happen and they needed access for one reason or another. I live there so it shouldn't but you never know ....so just in case.

I saw this thread yesterday but didn't really have any suggestions to offer.

So I'm wondering if the caregiver was able to spend the night, and how things are going at your mother's house?

Mom's dementia is going into severe, yes. it's VD, but as we all know, Alz can slip in there too... I really don't know if that has happened or not. Mom is paranoid, untrustworthy, full of fear, and obviously doesn't like the idea of someone 'strange' sleeping in her house. she is already paranoid. The lady who is there said mom actually acted worse when I came around. By the time I left for the night, mom hugged me and whispered, "you know I love you" and I about broke down. Yes mom, I know you love me. and I love you. and that is WHY I am doing this!!!! But I didn't answer. I just said "I know..." The caregiver doesn't seem too fazed... she's been doing it 25 years and said she's seen worse. I gave mom an anxiety pill before I left so soon hopefully she will tire and go to bed. Her teeth may not be brushed - she won't let the girl do much right now - but maybe tomorrow she will be a little better. But me? I'm a wreck! And with her house paid for, it makes sense to keep her in it with home care - one-on-one care is always a first option. If only mom could get a perm in that she can grow to love and trust as she did the other woman. Plus the house is across the street from me...

Nikki, according to your other postings I wouldn't be surprised if the new Caregiver calls her agency to say she is leaving the house. Thus you will find yourself at your Mom's house taking care of her, which is probably what your Mom wants now that her favorite Caregiver had to leave. Maybe it is time to mull over that Mom needs another level of care, like at a continuing care facility.

My Mom had shooed the Caregiver out after 3 days, and it was a gal who is usually really good with difficult clients. Mom is now in long-term-care.

Haven't you posted that your mom has severe dementia? Dementia patients with severe dementia are not in charge. Their brain is not working properly and they have to be protected. I'd try to do that to the best of my ability. Most people with severe dementia aren't able to use a phone, tell a coherent story or even know their address.