Last January, I hired a caregiver for my 92 year old mom with moderate - going into severe - vascular dementia. They hit it off and within 3 months mom really accepted R***. R*** was very good at what she did and had a routine down with mom that worked well. I also treated R*** like family. The better I treated her, the more I noticed the last few months she felt comfortable enough to flip on a dime and yell at me, throw things, and then sob for HOURS. I even took R*** to a doctor with my mother in tow in the backseat! (R*** canceled the appt for herself anyhow) - She has been giving me red flags left and right. And poor mom. It is hard for her to warm up to people and she literally loved Ruby and depended on her, trusted her presence. r*** began telling me she fantasizes about slitting her throat in the mirror and has determined how she will kill herself someday by jumping off a bridge. i always knew she was a little "off" but i thought she was just immature for the longest time, and she never, ever hurt mom. mom liked her a lot. knowing this, I should have fired her on the spot. But, no... in my bad judgement I told her she probably had a chemical imbalance and I would give her a vacation or whatever she needed.... I had never seen her hurt mom and mom could still tell me if R*** hit her or something. Mom never did. She loved being with her and finally trusted someone. So... I waited because I had nobody else, and 2 nights ago R*** began flipping out on me while my mother was asleep. I asked her to tone it down before she woke my mother and she kept yelling anyhow so I told her let's not do this anymore. I will find a replacement, just please don't leave me high and dry until I get one. she agreed. The next day, I took mom out for awhile to give her a break. She told me via text she would be back at 2. That was 10:30 AM. By 11:30 she wrote that "circumstances changed and I will not be returning. I left the key and the garage door opener on the baker's rack." That was it. Nothing else. It is like being the toll collector on a busy drawbridge and saying, "hey, see ya, good luck!" and throwing the door open and leaving the traffic piled up. I consider this abandonment. She did not come from an agency. she was a personal hire privately who gave me tons of great references, resume, the whole nine yards so I have no recourse but i feel very betrayed. It is a cardinal sin in the world of caregiving to desert a sick client that relies on you. I scrambled and got help the same evening coming in from an agency, so for the moment, things were okay. then the next morning after mom woke up to the new girl, I walk over after a bit - 2:00 pm to be exact. Mom is in her nightgown still. No wig on no make-up, crumbs on the kitchen tablecloth, mom is walking alone (this can't happen) through the house wearing her SHOES UNBUCKLED with her heels coming out. Bed isn't made... Now I don't want to complain because in reality, we are getting a different girl today at noontime. But the thing is, mom wants Ruby. She said she doesn't want a stranger in the house, and by having to bring in temps, they are all switching days and hours and everyone really is a stranger. i ended up writing a 3 page schedule or routine for mom for each one to read, but bottom line, mom won't cooperate with them. she was up until 9 last night (bedtime is 7) with her shoes on and fully dressed and argumentative. And for the first time ever, she said she was going to talk to dad about this (he's been dead since '09) and she will also have a word with her mother! Then she called me her cousin. I am her only child. She has never done that before. Her eyes looked "off" to me and I ended up having to give her a mood pill before bed just to settle her down. I told her we would talk about it in the morning. Well, now it's morning and the girl just texted she won't take her morning pills. I'm like, come on... this is getting crazy. I will find a perm for her here in the next couple of weeks, but obviously it will have to be someone really willing to earn her trust and understand dementia. I am a nervous wreck and at the end of my rope. If R*** could have just maturely said I am giving 2 weeks notice or whatever, I would have had a degree of respect left for her, but to literally desert mom in a sneaky tricky way like this... is unforgivable. I am glad she is gone. She turned out to be nothing like what she acted like for the first 8 months. But I had to call the doctor, figure out the pills, and get an expensive temp agency in there fast. I am stressed to the max right now and mom is rejecting everyone that comes in. Advice?