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1teach1cory Asked November 2015

How to help an elderly without being directly involved?

I have here for help about my grandma and have gotten so much support, but now I need advice on my mom. I was legally adopted by my grandparents when I was 7. I saw my mom a few times a year until 6 years ago when she and a friend tried to extort money from my grandma and along with a friend of hers. I actually had to change our phone numbers because of harassment from them. So my grandma and I have not spoken to her at all in 6 years. My grandma was taken to the hospital today because of delusions from a UTI when I got home tonight my neighbor said a woman stopped by and pointed to another woman in the car and said she was my mom and wanted to come home. I thought it was wrong since grandma was in the hospital. until I checked the mail and had a letter from my mom saying she got kicked out of her apartment can she come live with us. First of all NOOOOOOOOO I am stressed enough with grandma she put a phone number to call, I know she receives DSHS monthly money, she only had to pay $200 a month fro rent as the state paid the rest. How do I help her without calling her. Even though I have not spoken to her in so long I feel like I should do something. Should I call APS? DSHS? She put her apartment address in the letter, so I wonder if she is still there and if she is, if it is not to much can I pay the back rent. This is all I need after leaving my grandma in the hospital

1teach1cory Nov 2015
Thanks for the replies, yrs my grandma is my mom and I love her very much. She is my priority all I will do for my mom is call DSHS and let them deal. I am actually glad she was in the hospital as if my mom had shown up here I am sure the caregiver for my grandma would of let her in with out knowing the situation.

MaggieMarshall Nov 2015
The best way to help your biological mother is to pray for her. I would not call her. I would not write her. I would not intervene on her behalf. If she comes to your home, don't let her in the house.

Your gram is mom. She needs you now. She has been good to you or you would have told us otherwise. Stand strong for her and with her. Don't let your natural empathy put you and gram in a situation that your gram might not be able to manage and that you may not be mature enough to control.

You say your biological mother tried to scam gram and her friend. You haven't spoken in six years. Your biological mother is a user. She is back to see if she can use her mother yet again and may use YOU to get to her. Do not let this woman in your life.

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BarbBrooklyn Nov 2015
1teach, I'm trying to bump this to the top so you get more answers, but from my perspective, your mom sounds like a person who uses people. It sounds like she knows that you are vulnerable right now and trying to tug at your heartstrings. She's already hooked up with the social welfare safety net. Is it possible that she got kicked out of subsidized housing because of drug use or harassing other tenants? It feels as though this would be a dangerous move for you AND for your grandmother. Perhaps others have different opinions.

If you call DSHS, I would ask to speak to her social worker; s/he might be able to tell you about your mother's current circumstances, but I would not offer her a place to live. she will subject you to the same abuse and schemes that she has played previously.

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