My MIL does live with us and I do believe we need to get her a mental evaluation. Its more than just her wanting to spend time with us, its an obsession. I had told her awhile ago back that I wanted the weekends with just my husband and kids and she seemed to understand but never made plans to do anything for herself on those days. I try to be sensitive but being straight forward. I am not trying to hurt her feelings but I do feel like she totally gets what I want but just doesn't care. It is very fustrating.
I should say that Shadowing is different than boredom, depression, & loneliness.
Shadowing is following you around in your personal bubble very persistently, and getting very upset if left alone.
If MIL is just unhappy she can't do everything & go everywhere, pitches snit fits, and is passive aggressive about it, that is not Shadowing.
My mom did this for the few weeks she lived with us. She would throw big tantrums for not being invited to go out on date night with me & my husband. If I ran an errand without her, there was trouble.
Due to a lot of other complexity, she had to go into care, but I no longer had to be the center of her universe as the only one who could provide entertainment and happiness. They had activities, movies, musicians, outings, you name it. If you were bored & unhappy there, it was your own doing.
If this is new, it could come from brain changes and I would have her evaluated by a geriatric specialist ASAP. This is a common dementia behavior. It's called Shadowing.
I say a geriatrician specifically because most family docs/GPs are not trained in this specialty area no more than they are pediatrics or cardiology. They will miss signal behaviors and not address the real problem. Some will even blow it off and say it's just "normal old age", when it is not.
I would take this quite seriously until an aging specialist can rule out cognitive decline and a root cause.
I don't know much about your MIL, but since she is living in your home, you are able to insist she get treatment for her depression. I would have her get a physical exam and then an evaluation with a geriatric psychiatrist for her depression, if possible. Her primary doctor may be able to prescribe her something.
There are medications that can really lift the mood and give the patient more energy about life. Perhaps, if she was feeling better, she might have renewed interests in old friends, hobbies and activities aside from your family. You could search for them and provide her the options. Ensure she has transportation to attend these activities.
I would be very sensitive to not make her feel excluded. You might encourage activities at a senior senior, the Y or a church event, but I would try to avoid telling her outright that you want time without her. Depending on her age and mental decline, if any, she may not be able to comprehend that she's not welcome at all times. If you have to say anything, I would explain that SHE needs independent time away from you and not the other way around. Make it seem that you concerned with her privacy and wish to preserve her independence.
Does your MIL live with you? The only suggestion I have is to decided, as a family, how you want to use your time; when MIL will be included, and then stick to that. Unfortunately, you cannot be your MIL's life. She won't like your setting boundaries so be prepared.
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weekends with just my husband and kids
and she seemed to understand but never
made plans to do anything for herself on
those days. I try to be sensitive but being straight forward. I am not trying to hurt her feelings but I do feel like she totally gets what I want but just doesn't care. It
is very fustrating.
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Shadowing is following you around in your personal bubble very persistently, and getting very upset if left alone.
If MIL is just unhappy she can't do everything & go everywhere, pitches snit fits, and is passive aggressive about it, that is not Shadowing.
My mom did this for the few weeks she lived with us. She would throw big tantrums for not being invited to go out on date night with me & my husband. If I ran an errand without her, there was trouble.
Due to a lot of other complexity, she had to go into care, but I no longer had to be the center of her universe as the only one who could provide entertainment and happiness. They had activities, movies, musicians, outings, you name it. If you were bored & unhappy there, it was your own doing.
If this is new, it could come from brain changes and I would have her evaluated by a geriatric specialist ASAP. This is a common dementia behavior. It's called Shadowing.
I say a geriatrician specifically because most family docs/GPs are not trained in this specialty area no more than they are pediatrics or cardiology. They will miss signal behaviors and not address the real problem. Some will even blow it off and say it's just "normal old age", when it is not.
I would take this quite seriously until an aging specialist can rule out cognitive decline and a root cause.
There are medications that can really lift the mood and give the patient more energy about life. Perhaps, if she was feeling better, she might have renewed interests in old friends, hobbies and activities aside from your family. You could search for them and provide her the options. Ensure she has transportation to attend these activities.
I would be very sensitive to not make her feel excluded. You might encourage activities at a senior senior, the Y or a church event, but I would try to avoid telling her outright that you want time without her. Depending on her age and mental decline, if any, she may not be able to comprehend that she's not welcome at all times. If you have to say anything, I would explain that SHE needs independent time away from you and not the other way around. Make it seem that you concerned with her privacy and wish to preserve her independence.