How do you handle 4 to 8 phone calls a day from your elder in assisted living?

My MIL calls every 20 minutes -- nothing new, always the same question, "What's new? What's going on?". I can't even think for all the interruptions -- kids, husband, too. Yikes. I do have caller ID and have finally set boundaries: 1 call per hour, up to five calls per day. Sometimes I'm a softie and answer a few more, I admit. You need to preserve your sanity. Unless it's an emergency (and how do you know? You don't. Assume it isn't.) you have to save a little thinking time for yourself. I know that I'm on the edge of burnout -- if not already flaming up -- so I give this advice: The person in his/her right mind gets to make the decisions.

Couldn't you just let the messages go to voice mail?

I do understand how irritating this can be, although I think that those making the calls aren't able to prioritize needs and feelings so that they can sort out what needs to be discussed now and what can wait until later.

I'm not sure if it would help but you could try a "call memory pad" - give her a pretty notepad large enough to make a list of things she wants to discuss. Perhaps put some lavender or rosemary oil on it - they have calming properties.

Suggest she write down her concerns; then you can have, for example, a mid-morning call, a mid-afternoon, and then evening call. You could also call her at night and wish her a good night, just to end the day on a positive note.

It may not work though if it's too difficult for her to sort out the reasons she calls.

Another option is to take the first call, tell her that you have a lot of work to do, FOR HER, and will call her back when you have that work done. Then let calls go to voice mail.

Having written this, though, I can understand that with some loss of cognition, everything becomes a "now" issue and that "now" perception needs to be satisfied, w/or w/o thoughts of how it impacts others.

My mom was calling a couple of times a day. She could not remember why she called. Now she is just unable to dial phone. I bought a phone she has to just push 1 button to call me but still struggles with it. I also have caller ID so don't have to answer any call unless I want. I would get caller ID.

It sounds like my sister and my Mother. The stress led to my sister's early and sudden death. Mother would call her. My sister would tell her she was getting into the bath tub. Mother would call again. And so on throughout the day.

My sister would go out to dinner and Mother would call her cell phone. I begged my sister to just leave her phone in the car. She wouldn't but continued to complain.

Mother cannot hear 95% of the time. She no longer calls me, and we are not in the same state. But, I think I would take out the landline, if she was calling all day long or shut the phone off in the evening. My cousin had to take the phone book away from her mother.

I take one call per day from my sister and after that I let it go to the answering machine. My husband takes all the calls from his mother and gets himself progressively grumpier with each one. I end up leaving the room and go upstairs so I don't have to hear him getting nasty with her.