Mother-in-law has dementia and father-in-law refuses entry to any help offered. What can we do?

I agree with vstefans, get mom out of there. Dad must go to sleep, right? Tell him she called you.

You have a bit of a catch 22 going on - as long as you are there making sure Mom has good care, and the environment is on good shape, the Adult Protective Services may conclude Dad is no threat to himself or others under the circumstances. Even with the guardianship, presuming all goes well and you can get it, outside help may back off if he continues to tell them not to come in. You might have to get guardianship over Mom and get her out of there.

Maybe the social workers you talked to cannot do anything, or won't. This situation is headed for trouble. Time was, persuasion with the help of the doctors could intervene, but in todays world, no. "Refuses to be assessed" is not an issue if adult protective services are called. However, unless they intervene with their assessment, that won't work. Be ready for this crisis, find a legal shortcut to speed it along so you are there in a "controlled crisis". Otherwise, keep going over there, at least he allows family to come in. If that stops, call 911. Often, if either goes to the hospital, an intervention can be done.

I agree with Pam.

Hubby should petition the court to be his Guardian. The father of course, will refuse to cooperate with the court evaluator, and as a result, the judge will grant the son full control. Sorry, but that is the only way to save yourselves and Mom.

No wonder your in-laws refuse outside help, they have you and their son doing all the work. Sometimes we need to use tough love. Slow down with the shopping, banking, cleaning and washing. I know it won't be easy, but you also need to dig in your heels, also. Just tell them "sorry, I cannot possibly do that", eventually it might sink in that they need another level of care... either with outside help or relocating to a continuing care facility.