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Gershun Asked October 2014

Since my Mom has gone into the nursing home I feel like I am already grieving her loss. Is this normal?

To protect my heart I find I'm distancing myself emotionally since the future is uncertain. When I visit at the nursing home I get so depressed when I leave and I feel like I'm already going through the stages of grief. My mom is actually starting to adjust to her situation. I however am not.

glasshalffull Oct 2014
The fact that your mom seems to be adjusting to the situation may suggest that you need to cut yourself some slack. Your mom is where she needs to be and you did the best you could while she was home. Just because she is in a NH doesn't mean you love her less or have given up on her. And you need to be supportive of your mom but allow her to develop a routine with the staff at the NH, this will help your mom to settle in faster. Her being comfortable and safe should help ease your mind. Its ok to grieve the loss of your relationship as it was before and I think that is totally natural.

Be positive...it takes just as much energy (as being negative) and has many more benefits...less stress on you; less guilt, etc.

Eyerishlass Oct 2014
I felt the same way you do when my dad went into a NH. While he was at home and I was caring for him I felt that he could go on indefinitely. I was in control and I had faith in my abilities to care for him. But once his health spiraled out of control and he had to stay in the rehab facility I knew he was at the end of the road. I would be visiting him there until he died. And while caring for him at home had become very difficult I wanted to micromanage every aspect of his care in the NH. But I learned that I couldn't do that. I would make myself nuts and make the staff nuts and that's not what I wanted. And every day that I visited him, my heart broke a little more when I left.

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freqflyer Oct 2014
I haven't had this situation yet, but I probably think it is normal.... you are probably grieving the loss of the person that your Mom once was. And going through all the *what ifs*. It's hard when our parents get up into their 90's... so much of their physical being has changed, their eyesight, their hearing, and how they reason things. Well, they probably notice that with us, too.

What is positive is that your Mom is adjusting to the nursing home... that is good news.... now you need to adjust having her there, instead of being with you. She's in the right place :)

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