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My Mom had depression all her life. She held a good job but now older and in Assisted Living, and my Dad passed almost 3 years ago she has no will to live at all. She seems to have AZ, and lays in bed all day. She will not even get up to eat and I know she urinates in her depends instead of getting up. Depression is a definitely can be an inherited . Her father wanted to die so he quit eating and passed at 64 lbs and 72 years old. Her brother hung himself at age 60 with a note saying "I do not want to get old". Most all of her life specialists tried different medication to no avail. The Assisted Living Place will not tolerate her putting no effort at all into trying to get out of bed and be Hygienic. She has odors and that is something my Mom used to make sure she never had. I can not take care of her as I have tried and I cannot get her out of bed and she would rather lie in diarrhea and sleep then to get up . She has gotten worst the last 6 months. I am so upset about this situation and it is literally taking it's toll on her and me. Her blood work comes out great.. She has diabete but is doing good on that, I am sure not eating is keeping her sugar low, normally it is around 170. She forgets a lot and my two half brothers have stolen money from her and do not visit her as they can not get anymore money. I am POA. I have been physically abused by my half-brother 3 times. He is Bi-Polar, but no excuse, he drinks now and ruined his 17 year marriage. Anyhow, Mom in a Nursing Home seems a bit much, she just wants to lay in bed . No will to live. What can I do? I am declining in my health.This is like slow torture.

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Thanks for writing as the story seems so familiar,,,I went up today to bring her to a 3pm Doctor appointment and as usual she is sleeping ( had not eaten a thing), forgot I was coming. I told her the night before to wrote it down she says yes but will not do that. Sucks on sugar free candies one after the other. Wrapper''s all over the floor. She has been on all kinds of different medications. I forget the one she is on now as she is in Assisted Living and I no longer give her medications. But whatever it was, she was put on it about 2 years ago and it was the newest and most promising medication. Obviously not working. I have read so much on this on the internet that I know there is another medication they can add with the anti-depressant and it is showing good results. But dealing with a Mother and Brother who have this, I know they both are constantly being changed on their medications and they seem to work at first then fail. I think their systems build a tolerance. Vermont has very little to offer . I know there are many other states that have so much more. I want to move her and myself to Virginia. More Assisted Living places and cost of living is under half of Vt. What state is your relative in? I know that it is very depressing to see her this way and all she does is repeat questions but the bad part is it is about death and who is already in heaven...(drives me crazy). If I could find a memory Clinic living place that would be great but not in Vt, there is none. The Assisted Living employee's here are all mainly foreign , which the only issue is they talk very little english (fun). I have to remind them of things. Someone here told me about a Geriatric Doctor and there is one here and I am calling tomorrow to schedule an appointment. Just once I would like to go see my Mom and see her up and dressed.........
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Staystrong57, I'm having the same type of issue with my cousin, who's in Assisted living. She tends to sleep in and not get up to use the bath room, but goes in her pull ups. Some days she sleeps until noon and refuses to eat until the afternoon or evening. She has significant dementia, suspected AD and Vascular Dementia. She did actually tell me twice that she was depressed, though she forgot that she told me. Later in the day she forgets that she refused to get out of bed.

She has started on an antidepressant a little over a week ago. She seems to be more alert and involved, but she's still sleeping in and refuses to eat until after noon on some days. I'm hoping that once the meds kick in, that behavior will stop, however, from my reading, being uncooperative is a symptom of the disease and is likely to progress as the disease progresses.It may not be just depression that is causing it. I'm exploring a Memory Care facility, since they tell me they are trained to work with residents who do those kind of things. The Assisted living staff are not equipped or trained to deal with that behavior if it becomes the norm.

What if they changed your mom's meds?
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Thanks everyone, Mom has been treated by medications for years and no improvement. My half brother has it too. It seems that if it is something they really want to do they can accomplish it. But otherwise they are depressed and just can not move. This maybe depression but I think like most all medication your system becomes tolerant to the medication. A nursing home is not really equal to what she is able to do, she has excellent diabetes numbers and all other tests are great.. I know I would rather have a physical issue then a mental. I am calling a Geriatric Doctor tomorrow. It may take some time to get her in. I know as I get older certain medications can give strange side effects. It is much tougher at an older age. I also know that most elder's are not depressed. I wish Mom would realise what she is missing instead of thinking she is "at peace" when she sleeps. It kills me but then makes me angry, Confusion.
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STAYSTRONG, getting your mom treated is the essential first step. It will probably involve medications, and Mom may not be well enough to handle that at this point. If getting her into a nursing home is a way to have her treatment plan implemented, then placing her there isn't a "bit much" -- it could be "just right."

But, one thing at a time. Whatever treatment she is on now isn't working. Please get her to a specialist for evaluation.

Let us know how all this works out for you. We care!

(I hope this goes without saying, but you are in NO WAY at fault for your mother's depression or her dementia. You are awesome to be working toward improvement for her.)
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Amen to that, V! So many doctors seem to feel that being depression and anxiety are a normal part of aging...they are not.
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Depression is almost always worth treating medically. You'd think you could pull yourself up by your bootstraps adn snap yourself out of it, but depression just kind of takes your bootstraps...if it doesn't just totally take your boots, period. (OK, all analogies, like speeding freight trains are gonna jump the tracks somewhere...) But seriously, depression is one of the most painful things in the world and so many things can get so much better if it is treated. And yet it goes unrecognized - not everyone who is depressed cries all the time, some people are "flat" or angry or grumpy, and some people have been so depressed for so long they think they are being normal. The strong family history points to a biological predisposition to depression too.And then, even when its recognized - people don;t always get treated! It Makes No Sense. It would be like not noticing a broken arm and then not casting it once you noticed, only more painful.
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Staystrong, I love your positive screen name and matching outlook! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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I found one!!!!!!!! There is like 3 of them but one great one. I will call her on Monday. THANKS!! I had never heard of them before. Kind of troubling that no one here suggested that. All the money she is spending to stay in Assisted Living and they did not know.The important thing is you told me and I found one.. Bless you:)
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I googled it and got a place in Virginia. I am interested. I remember finding that place in Virginia before but their e-mail is wrong. Plus you have to become a member. Not sure if there are any in Vt...
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A psychiatrist who specializes in older people.
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WHat is that?
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Has she been seen my a geriatric psychiatrist?
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