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SAllen52 Asked September 2014

How do I protect my Mom from my heroin addict brother?

I do not live in the home with my mom. I live about 5 miles away. When my brother is out of money, he pleads for her help. She allows him to stay at her house. While he is there, he steals her cash, allows other addicts to sleep in her garage. There are people coming and going at all hours of the night. Once he steals enough money, he gets high to the point that he is talking to himself and demonstrating other bizarre behavior. She then contacts me and has me call the police and have him removed. How do I break this cycle? She will always let him back in. He can be verbally abusive and his behavior causes undo stress. Help.

Rosebush Jun 2015
If you are unable to mive your mom to a place where your brother has no access, perhaps you holding all of her financial documents, check books, cash and valuables would be a temporary fix to part of the problem until you have a game plan in place. You could then be the bad guy instead of mom.

angelsuger Jun 2015
I have been stuck in this horrible cycle for decades. My mom willing gives my heroin addicted sister every extra cent she has. She has dementia but is only "mild". The doctor prescribed additional medicine to help the memory but my mom won't spend the money for it. My sister calls constantly with one story after another for money. My mom gives her most of her retirement money and recently my sister has been pressuring mom into getting an apartment together. I worry constantly for her safety. Mom tells me the only reason for her to go on living is to help my sister get her life together. My sister is almost 60 and she, her husband, and two children are all addicts. Adult Protective services can't help her because she is getting medical help and is living in a responsibly clean unit in a motel. She has destroyed her credit taking out loads to give her money and has even declared bankruptcy. It's just h*ll!

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sharirose Oct 2014
My husband has adult sons like that. When he retired and I was still working, they came to see him to take whatever they could. One night at 11 pm the one came out because he had heard his Dad had sold a large pc of equipment . I answered the door to find him telling me, he and his wife were not working.
They never did work. He had won a law suit years ago for 350,000. She said she would never work until she was too old to have fun. Needless to say I reviewed this in the morning with my husband , their Dad and after years of this type of abuse went with me to the local Sheriff. We live in my home. The Sheriff told them if they ever come out here again without an invitation , they will both go to jail. That is a Sheriff worth his pay. He also explained to them since the property is in my name, unless I invite them they cannot come or contact us. They are into drugs up to their neck. This has gone on for 30yrs.
I cannot say how much stress these type of people put on others. Unbelievable. sharirose

moondance Sep 2014
Go with what pamstegman says. Not much I would add.

Eyerishlass Sep 2014
It's a cycle. Brother gets into mom's good graces, takes advantage of her, gets high and out of control and your mom calls the police. Then it starts all over again. Skip the middle man and have your mom to call the police the minute your brother shows up but I doubt your mom would be willing to do this. It takes the emotional strength of 10 men to kick an addict adult child out of the house. Most parents can't or won't do it. They'll say they're ready to take action and they do want things to change but when it comes right down to it nothing changes.

pamstegma Sep 2014
I would contact the nearest Al-anon and see if they can get a member to talk to your mother and possibly sponsor her into joining the group. She really needs reinforcement about letting go of him. They would be the ones who could convince her to sign the order of protection petition.

BarbBrooklyn Sep 2014
Who has POA? Sounds like mom needs full time care, house sold and moved to a facility where she can get 24/7 care and not bothered by the addicts.

vegaslady Sep 2014
In NV anybody can serve the restraining order, and then must file an affidavit with the court that it was done. Easy. But if mom doesn't really want it done and won't use it to distance herself, why bother?

MaggieMarshall Sep 2014
How old is your mom? If she's in her late 70's or so . . . has some cognitive issues . . . you might have some luck getting Adult Protective Services involved. Call them, explain the situation in brief detail, and see what they have to say. I'd say the only other "person" who could serve a restraining order to keep him away from your mom would be APS.

You can bet he's stealing from her. Anything easy to pawn, cash and probably hitting her up for as much as he can get out of her. While you may be absolutely certain HE would never hurt mom, you cannot say the same about the low lifes he allows on the premises. (And really? You can't say that about your brother, either.)

Tell your mom that if she allows drug users to use on her property, in her garage, she is risking becoming a public nuisance in the neighborhood. People WILL report them. If it continues, there is a real possibility that her home could be confiscated. It's called civil forfeiture. 80% of assets seized by virtue of civil forfeiture are never returned...even if your mom is completely blameless. It's a serious matter.

cnn/2014/09/03/us/philadelphia-drug-bust-house-seizure/

SAllen52 Sep 2014
Is that the same as a restraining order? We have been through the lengthy process of obtaining a restraining order, but the bottom line was my mother was the one who had to serve him with it, and she wouldn't do it. Do you know if someone else can serve a restraining order or order of protection?

pamstegma Sep 2014
You get an order of protection from the nearest Judge to keep him away.

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