Mom has an 80 yr old man living with her since 05 and he has turned her against me. What do I do? - AgingCare.com

Mom has an 80 yr old man living with her since 05 and he has turned her against me. What do I do?

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I'm an only child and I live in Fl and my 85 yr old Mom lives in Al. I have been left with the decision to put her in a NH, because this is the only answer I have, so I can at least see her and or talk to her everyday. Since this "bum" has been there, she is living with no plumbing, no central a/h, broken windows, roaches , just in filth. ( the lists goes on). I don't know what to do about getting her in a NH down here in Fl where I live. Her home is more n likely needs to be condemned, except for items in house that I would want to keep, if they are even in good enuff shape to keep...ex: family photos , few antiques etc. This man has brought tons of "garbage" into the home and it would make a good "hoarder show". Mom needs medical attention and he is constantly saying hes got her appointments to go to the doctor. I have called the police 3 times in 5 yrs, just to have them do a welfare check, well, this man living with her is all mad , saying if I call them again, that the police told him , he could press charges on me for "Criminally harrassing the elderly". I cant even talk to my mom (been a month now), cause he either cussess me and hangs up on me or the phone is busy for days or theres no answer. Also he drives Mom around in a vehicle that has expired tag or stolen, and no insurance and he drinks and I have heard him yell @ Mom . He has turned mom against me. Plus, theres other things that he does or has done that he just hasn't gotten caught. To make this story alittle shorter, I want him out and Mom in a home. Mom has either dememtia and / or altheimers, she thinks her sister and her mother are still living and she dont realize she has grand and great grand kids , Please someone tell me what i can do, where do I start? PS...For all I know, this idiot could of done away with her, I do not trust him as far as I can throw him!

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Your Mom has had this relationship with this man since she was 76 years old, did she have memory issues back 9 years ago? Apparently he's been taking care of her.

When was the last time you had visited? How do you know all the things you wrote had happened? Who told you? If it was your Mom and if she does have dementia/Alzheimer's, chances are it was the *dementia/Alzheimer's* talking. Depending on what stage of illness she is in, it is not uncommon for a person to make up stories.

And I am wonder what nationality has to do with anything? Hoarders come in all shapes and sizes, all cultures and religion. The fact you made mentioned of his nationality makes me think you are bias.
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Angel, I take it mom not Hispanic. What is she? What are you?
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when was the last time you saw youre mum? how do you know the plumming & heating has not been repaired? what proof do you have this man is driving a stolen vehicle? an elderly person needs heating & hot water.i would waste no time in visiting her, if the house is not then repaired call in social services. enviormental health, and her doctor, let them see this house is in no condition for youre mum to live in.personally I myself would have did this a long time ago. if youre mums dementia is so bad she is unaware of what is happening, this man cant possibly stop you entering the house, it is the home of youre mum, not his.dont go alone, take someone with you, let the social workers and doctor decide what is right for youre mum, let me know how you get on. with this man telling you not to phone, he is unlikely to tell you If something happens to youre mum, she needs you, only you can help her, don't leave her in filth, get her out and do it soon.i cant understand why nothing has been done before now.cant you take her to live with you? get a medical assessment done whilst she is in youre care. don't put it of any longer.her dementia will be be getting worst without bathing in hot water, she woud have suffered many urinary tract infections, get her into the heat, her bones will be frail, this sounds like a sick man, alcohol dependent, don't leave youre mum with this bit of scum. all the best.
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It was the right thing to do to call the police for a welfare check. If they see something wrong, they will send a social worker from the county to follow up. If they have been there five times and see nothing amiss, then step back and stay out of it. She has made her choice to live or die on her own terms.
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Sorry to those who don't understand what I'm goin threw, but I had to vent somewheres today... :)
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