How do I tell my Mom I'm putting her in a personal care home while I go out of town for only a few days?

Oh my I told my dad that has alzheimer's what a mistake...he has put me on the biggest guiltw trip and keeps saying I'm dumping him in a nursing home,I wish I hadn't said anything before. He is 92 and I need some time for myself with my tolerant husband.

Jeannegibbs, I just wasn't ready at that time to just "..do it anyway" but since then? Oh, yeah!!! Interestingly, that became the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

MD, how did it go?

Kittyd, I would add, "but do it anyway." What did you really gain by giving up the opportunity to go with your son and husband?

I did this with my 84-year-old mom, even taking her to the assisted living facility weeks beforehand to tour, etc. Set her up in a private room with bathroom and kitchenette. Showed her where the cafeteria was and where the card games and reading/puzzle room were, etc. etc. All I heard later was how much she HATED it (she ended up staying in her room the entire time) and that I intended to "dump" her there eventually, and this was "just a trial run"!!! It was the worst experience and COMPLETELY erased all the good feelings/memories from my short weekend sports team-related trip with my husband and teenage son. There were two more weekend tournaments that summer and I ended up missing both, to stay home with mom. And she was completely unappreciative. She didn't even acknowledge that I was missing out on an experience with my own son & husband to stay home with her. I'm with the others -- don't tell her in advance, and be ready for complaints later.

I'm going with the singing telegram haha thanks for the laugh✈️

Get hold of a nice cheerful calendar, one of those wall ones with pictures of puppies or roses or whatever she likes. Mark out the days. When you get to the respite care home, put the calendar where she can see it and ask the care assistants (pretty please with sugar on it) if they could very kindly cross the days off for her. She will get upset, regularly, sigh, but this will be a handy visual aid to help them explain to her exactly how long it is before you get back.

You are coming back, yes..? :)

Have a great break!

Or, listen to Captain.

Yeah, Blannie's right. If you know she's going to be mad, then let her be mad the day before. And, if I knew she was going to be mad, I wouldn't tell her the truth. If you're going on vacation, I'd make it some kind of must-do business trip you can't get out of.

Does she have dementia at all? Tell her, "Mom, I told you about this a month ago." Then she'll be so busy arguing the you-did-not-I-did-to that you'll be able to pack in between responses. ;)

I hope it's for pleasure! Have a good time. Call her after a couple of days. If she makes your life miserable during that phone call, don't call her again. Wait 'til you get home. Bring her a souvenir. Make it a flashy gee-gaw.

" telegram "

with a singing teergram

na na na NA
we been together for years, and its wearing me down .
im gonna take me a break -- in another tow-wwwn .
you can stay at clapboard manor , until we get back.
they dont have beds , youll need a fart sa - aack..

First of all, I'd wait until the day before you're leaving, so your mom doesn't get all worked up for days and days. I'd put it in terms of you needing to take care of yourself so that you can be there to take care of HER.

It will be like a little holiday for her too. Time away from you, new food and friends and (hopefully?) some activities she can do. Can you call her once or twice to make sure she's doing OK? However she takes it, don't feel guilty. You need time away and your mother will be fine. Have you taken vacations in the past? This is just another one. Mom is getting her own little vacation too. That's what I'd say. Good luck and let us know how it goes.