How very, very sad. Was she verbally abusive before he got cancer? If so, then I can't think what you could do at this point.
If this is new behavior, it might arise from her stress, her fear, her anxiety. Have you tried having a quiet non-blaming talk with her about it? "Mom, I'm not sure if you are aware of it, but when you said xyz to Dad that came out pretty harsh." You may also be able to convince her to talk to her doctor about her stress levels.
Laurie, sounds like your mother is scared, and probably thinking others will judge her saying she didn't take care of her husband that is why he got cancer. I know it doesn't make sense, but to her it does. My Mom [91 at that time] wasn't abusive but she didn't want anyone to help her take care of my Dad when he had a heart attack, afraid others would think she wasn't a good wife. It could be a generational thing.
My significant other was quite angry with me when I had cancer, he was afraid he was going to lose me like he had lost his late wife to cancer.... he didn't realize he was being verbally abusive.
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If this is new behavior, it might arise from her stress, her fear, her anxiety. Have you tried having a quiet non-blaming talk with her about it? "Mom, I'm not sure if you are aware of it, but when you said xyz to Dad that came out pretty harsh." You may also be able to convince her to talk to her doctor about her stress levels.
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My significant other was quite angry with me when I had cancer, he was afraid he was going to lose me like he had lost his late wife to cancer.... he didn't realize he was being verbally abusive.