My mother 87 years old I admit there is a dementia issue and agree she needs the medication. However her mindset of behavorial problems my brother and i see different.
How to make a long story short.........
2 weeks back my mother gave my brother a diamond and gold ring to be assessed for value for insurance purposes she also mentioned that perhaps she would like to sell the ring, the family thinks the ring should be kept in the family as it is a family heirloom with diamonds from grandmother and great grandmother with the diamonds being over 100 years old. The value is not an issue just the family history.
My brother decided just to hold on to the ring my mother got very mad and decided that she wanted the ring back, due to the fact bro is about an hour away from moms we decided it best to bring out ring on their next trip out our way, mom has seemed to lost sensitivity to time and when she wants she wants now, so the 1 week wait to get ring only intesified her anger and she was blaming my bro that he was trying to steal the ring or take out the diamonds. the short of it she got her ring back is happy to have it back but still very mad at as she puts it her a**hole son, has no other problems with any other family she is forgetful of pass events and history but is very well kept with the upkeep of herself and her apt. my delima,,,,,
Today we have a careworker coming in to evaluate her I and my sis in law will be there with her, my brother wants to come in to appt after the worker has arrived, this will put my mom into a trirate and the behavorial problems will be front and center of the evaluation well i agree that this needs some addressing but dont feel it is fair to bring in the one and only thing that will put her into flying off the handle, not giving her a fair evaluation of her situation I would like to see this as being a fair evaluation of her not her aggression my brother see this as they way to bring out the worst in her and that is what should be seen i think perhaps this should be done in 2 stages perhaps 2 different visits
I want to tell my mom that bro is going to make an appearance and let her know to control her anger prove him wrong but am i being shelfish in trying to hide this behaviour and give her the opportunity to let her medication work she has only been on it for 6 days outside of this anger issue all other aspects of her life in routine daily care of herself is good
opinions please

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Aricept is the medication she is on very low dosage 5mg to start slowly increasing at month intervals is the plan
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thank you all for your comments,
to clear up medication was only started 6 days ago and can take a while to start showing effects, so the meds could now just be beginning to work and this issue with bro started before the meds prescribed. her attitute now is that she is going to avoid what makes her mad as she is aware the stress is not good for her with this diagnosis nor for her blood pressure which is only just an issue now. I agree something else could come up and bring in a new issue for her to be mad at i wish it would and i tried to get her to move on to something else but no luck she is stuck on being mad a my bro
I think it is too late to give the careworker any heads up on this as it was family doctor arranged but i do suspect the family doc has filled her in as the family doc is aware of the entire situation, however that is not a givein as you just never know .
Yes the anger is irrational, and somewhat parinoid but it also goes right along with the type of dementia diagnosed Frontotemporal dementia and this is the only symptom that she is showing with regards to diagnosis along with some long term memory fade/fog
The purpose of the evaluation is to determine if she should be in a care home my problem with this is if the only problem is the issue she has with her son is that a valid reason that she should be put in a care home when she is fine a looking after herself not seem fair to me, yes i agree it is something that will be needed in the near future but not now, i feel doing this now will only deteriorate her faster i feel my bro is pushing for this i wish i had the capability to have her live with me but it just isn't doeable right now some renovations need to be done to accomodate another house guest in our home if she could get another 6 months in her apt on her own it could happen to have her come live with me then but not now
well appt is in 3 hours from now and my brother not returning my calls to discuss how i would appreciate him giving me time on my own with the worker and my mom then perhaps get the workers opinion on weather he shd make an apperance, so i guess its just wait and see what happens i will take the case worker aside and explain see where it goes,
thank you all for your support and opinions appreciate it we all need support one way or the other even to type it out helps thank you
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It will be useful for her to meet alone with the caseworker and to meet with each of you there individually, so the case worker develops a sense of the relationships. You don't all have to be in the room at once and being ALL there may make her feel backed into a corner. One at a time and the others can go sit in the yard until summoned. At the end, the case worker may want to speak to you outside, or bring you all in for a summary.
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What's the purpose of the evaluation? Anyhow, I'm in favor of your brother being there. If mom goes off so be it. If it's not the ring this time it will be something else with someone, sometime.
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What kind of medication is she on? How will your brother being there affect what kind of medication she's on?

I understand your brother wanting the caseworker to witness your mom's behavior at her worst--so often we feel foolish when we tell people how horrible the dementia is only to have our elderly parent appear gracious and kind in public--but I don't think it's right that he go just so his presence provokes your mom. It's manipulative. If your brother participates in the caregiving and would like to sit in on this meeting then he should be allowed to do so but he shouldn't be allowed to create an environment in which your mom becomes agitated. It's cruel.
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You do have a dilemma. My experience with dementia is limited, so my suggestion are just what might seem logical and appropriate.

It sounds as though your mother's anger at your brother is irrational, and perhaps a bit paranoid, and could be a part of her dementia. The question is how much it will influence the caseworker's evaluation.

It probably will have to be factored in sooner or later, but would it affect the caseworker's judgment now? Perhaps it could even help. She would be able to get a better picture of what's happening to your mother.

You might want to brief her on the situation ahead of time and see how she feels.

I'm not clear on whether your mother became angry with your brother before or after she started on the meds. If after, then I think seeing the interaction between her and your brother might be appropriate so the med can be re-evaluated.

What was the doctor's advice on effectiveness of the med? Does it take an approximate length of time to be effective, or does that occur immediately?

I do like the idea of a staged visit, but don't know whether the caseworker could do that and how it would fit into the plans so that Medicare could cover it.
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