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Wanttoknow Asked April 2014

My Mom (73) is acting attracted to my boyfriend, why?

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF May 2014
I also agree that a little playing along isn't bad. Your mom's dementia has her thinking she's much younger than she is. This isn't uncommon. I've heard of daughters-in-law who've had to avoid their FIL because of sexual advances even though, when all was well, they got along really well. Heartbreaking in that situation. Your boyfriend shouldn't play along too much but if a little flirting help you mom, then why not? Just see what works. Unfortunately, this is part of the disease.
Good luck,
Carol

TKUP66 May 2014
My Mom started "flirting" with my husband and always defending him and took his side even when we were joking around. She's 91! We are in our 40's. I realized it was just admiration for him stepping up and doing all the things a man in a relationship would do. He's very similar in personality to my late father too, takes no crap from her! Now that there are times she acts like a little kid she listens to him ( better than me) like he is her father. He's a good man, I don't blame her for her crush!

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nsjmk77 May 2014
My mother at 86 with severe dementia flirts terribly. She tried to flirt with my friend's husband but didn't want her to think she was trying to steal him away. She was not like this pre dementia but all inhibitions are gone and she LOVES to flirt with men of any age. I just smile and roll my eyes.

rfhendricks May 2014
aww let her have fun. My mom (who recently past away) had dementia. She married may dad when she was 17, he was her first love her first for everything. After he died, a few years later she would harmlessly flirt. Would even walk up to a complete stranger and asked it he was married. Then after dementia set in I brought her home to live with me. She started flirting my my sons friend. He took her for ice cream one day and they got "engaged" over ice cream. He even gave her a 2 dollar ring. She was so happy, even nicknamed him Sweetie. It was all harmless. When the dementia got so bad and I, because of my health, had to admit her to a nursing home, she would introduce Zack as her sweetie, flirt with the doctors. This never bothered me in the least, my mom was happy that is the main thing. The doctors loved her and her flirting, and often comment how refreshing it was. So please let your mother have fun and be happy because one day they won't be with us. I miss my mom so very much, I would give anything to see her act like a lovesick teen again.

susmart8 May 2014
All good lighthearted fun? My mother (and reluctantly) myself took in a homeless man several years ago, who stayed with us for a year and a half. She initially saw him as a son, but as dementia increased she ended up *sleeping with him* while I was out. I found out a couple of weeks later. (SHE told me, and he admitted it.) Just because someone is an acquaintance or a "trusted friend" doesn't mean it can't happen.

pamstegma Apr 2014
She's a Cougar, you just never knew it. Add a little dementia to that and the social "filters" are gone, so the patient no longer controls their impulses.

anonymous179890 May 2014
My mother flirts with a sweetheart of a male nurse at the nursing home. He talks about his boyfriend and by his mannerisms he's very obviously gay but she never catches on {rolling eyes}.

1Naturelover May 2014
God help us all with the crap you have to endure with dementia! We can build
giant telescopes that see across the universe and send space craft to other planets but we cannot do anything for people losing their minds.

Eyerishlass Apr 2014
Maybe having a younger man around is invigorating to her. As long as she doesn't act on her attraction it's harmless.

LadyAyeAye May 2014
Agreed: let your boyfriend play along gently and let her haver her fun. Makes her feel good and all is harmless.

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