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chrisjose Asked March 2014

Should I get my disabled older brother out of a bad situation and find assisted living for him?

He is 59 years old, diagnosed schizophrenic (which is controlled by medication) and is also diabetic. He receives disability and is living with another male who is addicted to pain pills and who does not care for my brother well, feeding him sugary foods and beverages all day long, who does not ensure that he takes his medications, who does not ensure he eats healthy foods, and who does not make sure that he is bathed and wears clean clothing. My brother's partner/caregiver is only concerned with where he will get his next round of pain killers often showing up at the local ER to beg for medications. I would like to move my brother someplace else, where he will get better care, but don't know whether he is a good candidate for assisted living and, if he is, how to go about extracting him from this negative environment he is in, and moving him to assisted living.

lsmiami Mar 2014
if you interfere with his relationship you may trigger mental issues. Broken people find other broken people, harsh but true. Very unlikely a person with a severe mental disease would be able to start a relationship with a stable, grounded person. Would you prefer he was Schizophrenic, Diabetic and Alone? What will be will be, at least he has someone. Maybe you can help by asking him to alllow you to implement a process for remind or deliver his daily meds......that is as far as I would interfere.

Eyerishlass Mar 2014
I half agree with blannie and half agree with pstegman.

You said his illness is controlled by medication but then you said he doesn't take his medication. If he's happy where he is leave him be. He found someone addicted to pills and now they live together. He did all of that on his own, I have to think that he's capable of doing other things on his as well, he just may not want to.

However, if you really want to get in the middle of this his Dr. can refer you to a social worker.

But I hope you leave him be.

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pamstegma Mar 2014
Never try to break up a set of life partners. Wash your hands and walk away. He has made bad decisions and they are not your problem. You should not feel guilty or try to interfere with their lives.

blannie Mar 2014
I would start making some calls to local mental health groups or the United Way if you have one to see how to get the ball rolling. You may not be able to do too much if you don't have Power of Attorney for him and he's considered competent. So it sounds like your brother isn't able to do these things for himself, like take his meds and fix his own food?

chrisjose Mar 2014
No, he doesn't have an assigned social worker. Yes, this is his life partner so you may be correct that he may be resistant to changes in his living arrangement. Thanks for the suggestion regarding a social worker. Is there a specific process for getting one assigned to him, or do I just reach out to the local group for assistance?

blannie Mar 2014
Does your brother work with a social worker about his schizophrenia at all? I'd try to enlist the aid of local mental health groups first, to see if you could get him any kind of caregiving that would be more helpful than his partner appears to be. If it's his life partner, your brother may be resistant to changing his living arrangement, unless he agrees his partner isn't looking out for his best interests.

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