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We have two siblings who don't help. I am 62 and disabled myself, I have severe arthritis in my knee and back. I also have a seizure disorder. My younger sister still has to work and I am alone with mom after she leaves. We cannot get siblings to help in any way. We have applied for medi- cal which will soon be effective. But both of us feel mom needs more than we can give in this stage of her Alzheimer's and need to relinquish care. We are not her poa, we started out as roommates but now she is total care it has turned into a full time job for both of us. We are both burnt out, stressed out, and have no idea where to begin. We would appreciate some feedback. Thank u

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Deber- it is a tough decision but you need to take of your health too.
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Thanks sharynmarie, I appreciate your time. We don't live in a house, we live in an apt. My sister and I both found to be big enough when I came to live with them when mom was to getting too delusional to be by herself while my sister was at work. These are the hours I cared for mom alone. She has been ambulatory with a walker up until this last event where she came out of a TIA and no longer can walk and has even become more ill than before. This is why I feel I am not able to care for her at home by myself. Physically I don't think I can. This is really been hard for me to have to make clear to everyone as I know we have always decided to care for her at home, I know it's hard on my sister who has been taking care of mom for many years and does want her home. I just don't think I am able. But I do appreciate your input and I will speak with the social worker at the facility. Thanks, d
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Deber-you are not legally bound to take care of your mother. You can refuse to take her home and ask for a social worker to help you. By doing this, your mother becomes a ward of the state. They will take control of your mothers assets and if you are living in her house, you will have to leave. This is an option if a bed does not become available. You and your sister have some hard decisions to make and seeing an elder law attorney may be a good idea. If you decide to turn her care over to the state, remove your personal belongings out first as you will probably not be allowed in the home. I hope your mother has a Will. Lots of decisions and I wish you the best outcome. Hugs to you!
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Well a couple weeks ago mom had what they are telling us was a TIA and was in acute care hosp for a few days. They released her to a rehab/nh and she's been there since the 11th of this month. In the two weeks at the rehab she's been really difficult. She has dementia, but now she's unable to walk and is refusing to even try to go to rehab. She is being mean to the staff and wants to stay in bed all day. We had a care meeting today and they told us even tho her dr has recommended long term care they have no beds open. When they started talking about setting her up at home with hospital bed, etc., I think my sister and I both froze in fear. There is no way I can care for her in this condition I have physical disabilities myself and my sister works. Now we are are looking at finding another facility. There aren't that many here to begin with and now she's got all these physical problems AND she's being difficult. That part doesn't surprize us, moms always been a difficult person and the dementia has only made it worse. I am just wondering if we can't find someone willing to accept her are we legally bound to take care of her knowing full well we are not going to be able to? My sister and I are both so scared right now. Seems no one has any any answeres. I'd appreciate any imput and has this happened to anyone else?
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I have a 74yr old mother I have to take care of. Sisters and Brother will not help me. Mother will not listen to me about anything. Will not eat right, or take meds right. Will not take baths. She needs care 100% of the time, I cannot give to her. She is on the internet talking to men, which is dangerous. I am at my wits end with her. Please anyone have any answers. Thank you
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Contact Alzheimer's Association. They are awesome and can refer you to just about anywhere!
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Deberjunie.... thank you..... it does get harder in time.......You've done a good job and its ok to realize you can't do it anymore! Hugs!
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Thanks everyone. We will most likely start with the dr that sounds about where we were headed anyway. I don't believe we will need an attorney as my older sister and brother who live in this same small town have done nothing to help and haven't needed one. I guess we will call elder care as well. We are waiting for her medi cal which should come thru any day. I do appreciate you all taking the time to reply I know how full your hands are and even a minute is hard to find in these circumstances. Good luck to all of you I wish I could have hung in there but I feel like this is killing me, and I know my sister who's been at it way longer than me must be feeling pretty frazzled too. It's been seriously rough year. My thoughts are with all of you always, d
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Deberjunie, Also since the Alzheimer's is progressing fast, have you thought about hospice if available? This may hold you over until you can figure out what to do.
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Deber it takes much love to do what you have done so far. You've done the best you can. I am not familiar with medi=cal. I would start by contacting your area office on aging. They have many resources to direct you with your needs. Also, you may want to reach out to a nurse at her doctor's office. They usually know the centers which have a good reputation and you may get a good lead. It will all fall into place.
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You can't oblige someone to take responsibility of something they don't want to do such as family caregiving. Family members should work together to take care of their aging parents. It's hard to deal with siblings who are oblivious to the gravity of situation and comes up with excuses just to avoid the responsibility. If you are the sole caregiver of your caregiver you can try these tips on how you can reach out to your siblings and make them more cooperative. I hope these tips can help you.
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OMG, we are in the same position. No help from brother AT ALL, but he calls Adult Protective Services on me frequently. I wish there was a way for them to prosecute him for perjury, but I don't think they do that's for reporting Elder Abuse.

By chance, was your Dad a vet? If he served just one day in battle, you can get money for that. I wouldn't even involve the other siblings in decisions or if you put her into Long Term Care until afterwards.

Who is her Power of Attorney? If she doesn't have one, you may have to go to court, which is expensive. I hope you find positive solutions. I too am disabled (chronic migraines). It certainly doesn't make accomplishing things easy.
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I'm so thankful for my younger sister! But neither one of us have funds to pay for her care. My older sister does, but is just too selfish to care. Thanks for your replies
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At least you have each other. Ask your sisters for help, but do not wait on it. Do not feel guilty. If she has assets they need to be spent on her care while she awaits medicaid, Lots of paperwork, lots of stressful decisions, it is not easy, but once you have her in a safe environment you will be a lot less stressed.
Good Luck,
L
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You start by asking her Dr what facility would be appropriate and go look at those that will accept Medi-Cal payments. Your local Alzheimers organization can help you too. I'm guessing she will need a Memory Care facility. So search with your zipcode under "memory care"
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