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Smtcet Asked January 2014

My 92 year old Mom's about 99% hearing loss and about 90% blind. What options do I have?

Past 2 weeks condition worsened. She lives alone, but can no longer see her microwave and refuses to go to a facility- not much available where she lives. I live about.5 miles from her and do not have a set up that would enable her to live in my home. I work full time, am an only child. I am 61 years old myself. I don't know where to turn for help.

blannie Jan 2014
Great answer as usual, JeanneGibbs! My suggestions were to get her a Life Alert type bracelet or pendant, that she can push in case of an emergency. I'd also look into setting up a nanny cam type situation, where you can watch her from a computer (at work) if you have a computer at work - and maybe on your phone (I'd have to check that one out). If you need help with that, put a note on my wall and I'll get you more info about how to do that. My cousin set up a system to watch her dog during the day while she was at work. A little different, but also the same concern for another being that you love. :) It sounds to me like your mom is very close to needing some kind of facility if she won't let home health care workers into her house and work with them. Good luck and keep us posted.

jeannegibbs Jan 2014
When I ring the doorbell across the street, lights flash. Their daughter is deaf and needs to be able to know someone is ringing the bell if she is home alone. I think that there are lots of devices that can help compensate for loss of hearing and/or sight. I don't know what they all are, but surely there are agencies and case workers that do know. Like arranging meals on wheels, this is something to explore in an attempt to let her remain at home.

Is she on Medicaid? Have you looked into whether she would qualify? Medicaid has a program that provides in-home help, as well as financial aid for a care facility when that is necessary.

That she has "gone through" 5 sitters is not surprising. She may need a very experienced health care aide who is used to working with impaired and cantankerous elders. One of the agencies who help elders may be able to give you suggestions.

Here is a list of agencies, by state, that deal with hearing loss: http://www.hearingloss.org/content/state-agencies

Here is a similar list of agencies for those with vision impairment: http://macular.org/state-agencies-specializing-blindness-and-visual-impairment

Here is a way to locate the Area Agency on Aging for your state: http://www.aoa.gov/AoA_programs/OAA/How_To_Find/Agencies/find_agencies.aspx

Another resource is to contact the Social Services in your mother's county and ask for a needs assessment. That can help you determine if it is feasible for Mom to stay where she is.

If/when she gets on Medicaid there will be a case worker you can work with.

Your options? It seems to me that you can use the available resources to determine what, if anything, would make it feasible for Mom to continue to live on her own, and also to determine how to pay for the assistance she needs.

Another options is to find a suitable long-term-care facility to move Mom into. Again, use the available resources to help determine the kind of setting that would be appropriate, and also how to pay for it.

This task must seem overwhelming right now. Take it one day at a time, step by step, and I'm sure you'll come up with satisfactory solutions. (Don't expect perfect solutions, cause that ain't gonna happen.)

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pamstegma Jan 2014
Call the MD and get her admitted somewhere, whether she likes it or not. She is not thinking rationally. She cannot be alone.

Smtcet Jan 2014
We check on her multiple times a day one way or the other, but she cannot hear a doorbell. It has just turned into a What do I do situation from the standpoint of caregiving to conscience. By the way, I am new at this, and I was trying to access the response, but inadvertently hit the report the post button - my sincere apologies!

Smtcet Jan 2014
Before things got as bad as they are now, she has gone through 5 sitters. She doesn't know what micromanaging is, but she does a great job at that. She tends to be very demanding and is easily upset. She can be very unkind to sitters. Equally, she is on a fixed income and we need a reasonable hourly rate.

pamstegma Jan 2014
Any sudden changes warrant a call to her doctor, she should NOT be alone, especially in Winter. He can order at visiting nurse, these ladies are the eyes and ears for a patient that can't get to the office. You can call 911 to check her welfare if you think the situation is dangerous.

jeannegibbs Jan 2014
Do you think she could function with some in-home assistance? What if she had meals-on-wheels for lunch an a companion to prepare her dinner? Does she need help getting up and ready for the day? Does she need help bathing?

I guess I'd first try to investigate supports that could extend the time she can stay in her home, where she is very familiar and presumably relatively safe with the environment.

If/when she cannot stay at home even with help, look into the possibility of a foster home arrangement. You might have to explore beyond your immediate area for that.

Keep in touch here and tell us how things are going for you. We learn from each other!

JessieBelle Jan 2014
Is there a way you can hire someone to come in? This is a difficult situation. From what you wrote, she doesn't need to be alone.

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