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kitch58 Asked October 2013

I am finding it harder to remain kind in dealing with life and death issues concerning dad and his life threatening illness. Advice?

I am working out of town to help my parents. I live in Texas and they live in Louisville, Ky. My Mom and Dad are 78. He has had this disease for 12 years. They always said that the Parkinson's would not kill him, it would be something else. Well right now we are barely coming out of a sepsis caused by UTI whom Dr.'s suspect was probably brought on by him scratching his own penis from constant condoms, adhesives and general irritation. The last infection came from bed sores.
So here I am a productive member of society who is learning as fast as she can while trying to play a chess game for the last 2 years or so long distance with a disease that requires keeping one or two steps ahead of infection, falling, Mom loosing her mind, CNA's wondering if they have a job after weeks of unknown homecomings that keep being put off week after week. I know we need them more than they need us. It's just a matter of time when they leave us.
Back to my original problem. Because I could go on and on, lol. I feel like my trying to be efficient and manage my time as best I can, I am becoming cold. I am throwing so much shit out there hoping something will stick I am forgetting that people don't take it well. So I am struggling with that fine line where you have no time for patience. Which is more important, to handle you gently or time management to effect a better solution?

kitch58 Oct 2013
Yes 1tired, I had to read that 3 times to get it to sink in. need to think of the plane instructions. She and He are like my babies now. But I need to take breaths to save myself. That is one of the reasons I joined this site. I am trying to help me be better for you. So simple. So smart.

kitch58 Oct 2013
By the way, you diagnosed me completely. zero, zip, nada interrupted by crying jags and going to bed earlier and earlier because I don't want to be awake.

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1tired Oct 2013
Kitch, it's called being human. No one can do it all, all the time and not have some repercussions. Try to take care of yourself first. Remember the oxegen masks in the plane talk?? Put yours on before you help anyone else. When someone gets ill all hands are on deck for a while, but that just cannot be forever. BTDT Pace yourself and maybe have some boundaries...like are 18 calls in one day really necessary?

kitch58 Oct 2013
Unfortunately I have been diagnosed with clinical depression with an anxiety disorder 10 years ago. I am on medication and it has been well managed with medication, exercise, quitting smoking, drinking and a better diet. I feel that even with all that I am becoming overwhelmed again. 18 calls a day and 6 voicemails just yesterday alone is enough to drive anybody nuts and I get that. I am so glad you answered me. I just needed to know it was just being human. Mom accuses me of not understanding. And I don't. That is the truth. When I have to watch my husband of 57 years wither away in front of me I might get a clue. I hope that never happens, but it is life and life means death. It is something I am coming to except. I wish I was Mother Theresa in my attitude though. Thanks for listening. I am so thankful for help. I must consider seeking professional mental health again before things get worse and they will. Of that I am sure.

pamstegma Oct 2013
You are not cold. The human mind protects itself by blocking emotions, fear and anxiety suddenly are blocked by an instinctive reaction of zero, nada, nothing, no tears. Untreated, it becomes a major depression with crushing fatigue. See your MD and share the lack of emotion and get counseling and or medication. Been there. Done that.

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