Blew up at my mom over misplacing and not recalling where I put the item she was demanding I find.

Follow
Share

During the pre-prep at moms I had to have 'strangers' in her house helping me rearrange furniture. But before they came I'd gathered up all her Jewelry cases and found hiding spots for them. Well, after all was re arranged, I thought I put all her jewelry boxes back..but apparently 2 months into her being home from hospital I misplaced one and could not find it. Mom was distraught over this and one day she laid into me verbally and kept beating the dead horse over and over complaining at me to find it ...find it ...find it...and she spouted off every detail about each piece of jewelry in that case.

When a person puts severe pressure on me I explode in anger. Mom was pounding me about it every 5 minutes over a 2 hour period and crying and yelling at me and blaming me for having strangers in the house who stole it. I tried to remain calm and even avoided her while i was trying to recall and retrace my steps in a quiet room. But she kept coming at me ...yelling about it..yelling and accusing me of things and that's when I totally went postal on her and screamed at her for accusing me, and anyone who came to help, of stealing it when I knew I hid it so well that even I could not recall where to even begin to look.
I could not even remember moving it twice due to 2 different days of having people helping me move things around to create a new bedroom on first floor. Of course, I could not recall where I last hid it. Her chronic every couple minutes of pressuring me did not help.

So after I exploded and yelled at her I went to another room to cool down..I was upstairs not 5 minutes when my moms crying voice calls for me and I go to the staircase and look down to see her holding the very jewelry case she was cranky about for the past 2 hours. She found it inside a dry sink.

I ran down and hugged her and said sorry for screaming at her and that I knew she was sorry for yelling and pressuring me so bad.

Yep...she showed me exactly where she found it inside the sink and I still cannot recall putting it there...Yet, I had to have placed it there cause I was the only child in the house aware of her jewelry cases and needed to hide them away from strangers sight. Then she opened that case and started to pull each piece out and tell the story of it. ...we calmed down and put it away in a place she could remember(hopefully).

Have any of you ever had a similar experience? How do you keep from exploding and screaming at your own parent as they accuse you of wrongdoing, or scream at you for having strangers, even neighbors, in their house when they are in hospital, or for that matter being so unforgiving of you for rearranging the house and putting a bedroom on the first floor for them?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
3

Answers

Show:
Ok, forgive yourself for being human...so you got upset with your mom, but it all worked out in the end, as far as finding the box. I wonder if the real (subconscious) issue is the stress you are feeling over dealing with the progression of your mom's journey. Take comfort in the fact that you were strong enough to walk away and that you and your mom obviously love each other so much.

I'm sure your mom's stress level is pretty high as well, what with being in the hospital and then coming home to a new room arrangement. Of course, you did it for her sake, and she hopefully realizes that, but she might also be feeling scared that she has to have a first floor bedroom. I know my mom gets really upset if any of us mention that she doesn't need to do things that she's done in the past because she thinks we are saying she is not capable of doing them.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep and time enough for yourself (easier said than done, I know)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Yes this is annoying they become so obsessed and will not give up until they find it also the same when they want something done keep at you until its done or just say yes ive done it then she stops obsessing!
As for you the stress of caregiving can casue us to lose it a bit and not remember things ive done this a few times I hide it so well even i cant find it!!!
This is annoying for us but so frustrating for them god love them my mum gets very upset if anything gets broken even a cheap little ornament! All i have to say to my own detrement is "have you seen?" and shes off hunting the whole house even if i say oh forget it NO she has to find it until im fit to burst especially at night when im so tired. I never ask her now for my own sanity and look for things when she sleeps.
I think they obsess over losing things as they are trying to prove that they are not losing thier minds my mum is always so happy when she finds them again!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

beachwitch, every caregiver has episodes we aren't proud of. (So does every parent while they are raising children.) Alas, perfection is pretty hard to achieve.

It sounds like this episode had a happy ending. The lost was found and you made up. That is good! Take a bow.

Your profile says that you never got along well with your mother. Now you are living with her. This could be an opportunity to repair your relationship, or it could be a recipe for disaster.

What if after the first 10 minutes you had taken your mothers hands in yours, looked her in the eyes, and said calmly, "Mother, I am sure it is the house. It may take a while to find it. Your yelling at me isn't helping find the jewelry and it is making things worse for both of us. Let's tell some time apart while I continue looking." Do you think that might have had any impact?

In other words, can you step out of the mother/daughter role that has been so uncomfortable in the past, and try to treat each other as reasonable adults? It will be a new role for both of you, so don't expect miracles the first few times! :)

If you continue with the same approaches that caused you to not get along in the past, I expect lots of regret on both sides. You are pushing each other's buttons now. Try to break that cycle.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions