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Dumpling Asked June 2013

What do you do when a sibling is taking money from your father?

Sister has guardianship over father and she gives him a weekly amount of $250. We just found out that brother is coming over weekly and taking money from him. Even going into his wallet and taking it out. We know talking to him won't help as he has been taking and given to all his life. Should we call the police or make a complaint with APS?

Perseverance Jun 2013
Well, I agree with prior poster - your father needs a prepaid credit card. I see no reason for cash - it's messy anyway and too much of a temptation for your brother.

Regarding getting APS or the police involved, that's your decision. I think it is rather severe as you and your siblings can put controls like the prepaid credit card, auto bill pay, and paying coffee shop in advance.

We got to the point with Mom where we were paying for everything - and she had auto bill pay.

Dumpling Jun 2013
Family got involved because 2 yrs ago step mother filed for divorce and had him sign alot of legal papers giving her everything. He didn't know exactly what he had signed. Siblings had him tested and he has vascular dementia. Sister that lives in town filed for guardianship. She had temporary until a few months ago. Step mother dropped divorce proceedings and started fighting for custody. (which she didn't want...just wanted to control money). Sister got permanent custody and step mother filed for divorce again. Dad is driving because he has special priviledges to drive in day only...to and from his coffee house. It's just really been a nightmare. But at least Dad has been able to stay in the home these past 2 yrs. Both sisters have asked him to come live with them but he just wants to stay in the home he has been in for 30 yrs. He is not good with change so don't know what will happen next month when divorce hearing. Thank you all for the info. I don't live in the same state so hard to help out. It's just frustrating to see brother taking advantage of him. Like I said it isn't anything new but needs to be stopped.

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margarets Jun 2013
Some good advice here. Definitely cut back on the cash allowance until this is sorted out. It's pretty high anyway. What does he spend it on? Could any of those expenses be handled by direct-payment services? Maybe a pre-paid credit card would work? Then your Dad would need very small amounts of cash for incidentals, and use the pre-paid credit card for everything else.

AACE Jun 2013
If dad was incompetent enough to require a guardian she has fiduciary responsibility to step in (sibling or not). She should give him one notice in writing that he is not to have any involvement in Dad's financial affair whether stealing checks or stealing cash. She can ask court for restraining order to keep son away; violation is contempt of court so Dad doesn't have to be bad guy. Why is Dad driving? What was basis for guardianship? Need more info for better solution. PS if incompetent who is representing him in divorce?

royboy Jun 2013
either way you look at it "its wrong" and we feel for you...but getting aps or cops involved its going to fall on your dad to file charges at the end.....unless he is imcompetent then the poa or family can pursue charges then......good luck on this issue seems like this is a common thing on this forum....PEACE

Dumpling Jun 2013
Thank you for your answer. Situation is complicated. Dad & stepmother are getting a divorce. Dad lives in house and stepmother works somewhere else but they see often and still get along. She just washed her hands of him when he started having health issues. Quite a bit of difference in their ages. Brother has always been given taken care of. Up until recently Dad was still paying his insurance. He has had drug problem in past and has stolen from them. He even went to jail for stealing their checks. He has always expected that Dad give him what ever he wants and unfortunately my Dad has done it. By the way he is in his 30's has kids and can't seem to keep a job. There is someone checking on Dad a few times a week....and he is still able to drive and get around. The family intervention wouldn't work. The brother has never listened before so sure he won't start now! Our only option is APS or police. Just not sure which way would have the most effect. Thanks again for your comments.

cheryl166 Jun 2013
Besides that brother shouldn't be taking the money, why does Dad need $250 in cash EACH week? If Dad is paying bills then Sis should do that and remove the temptation of Dad handing money over to Brother.

Perseverance Jun 2013
How do you know this to be true?

Begin with a family intervention, if so, and publicly reprimand him. I'd also make sure that he is not allowed time alone with dad when he visits. Or, that you remove dad's wallet before he comes over. I am assuming dad lives with someone.

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