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Sakuralisa Asked September 2012

What has happened to my mother and what can be done?

I really need some realistic advice and I don't know where to find answers. I live in Taiwan (near Japan), and have for the past 18 years. I moved here when I was 20. Mom lives in Virginia, and has the whole time I've been here in Taiwan. Mom is quite introverted and does not socialize. She's around 58-59 years old. She also has few friends and doesn't keep contact with any family except for me as far as I know. I have always been the one to call her although she sometimes writes me an email. She has never visited me here and I have visited her, not frequently but a number of times back in Virginia. About two years ago, she suddenly wrote to me, telling me that she had quit her job. She was a social worker for the state government. That really surprised me because as far back as I can remember she has always been a good worker and took her job seriously. Then, for the next two years or so she has basically done nothing. I asked her again and again about finding a new job and what her plans were. Her answer was always- oh, she has some money so she doesn't want to work or do anything. In a way this didn't surprise me because she is not a very outgoing person anyway... but still, we need to support our living, right? Anyway, last spring she wrote to me, telling me she had found a job- it was good news! Then in July she wrote to me saying that she actually had no job, and was almost completely broke- and was facing homelessness. This really shocked me because up until then I thought everything was ok, more or less. Mom doesn't talk to me about her finances or personal life in detail so I still do not know what is exactly going on. Then in August she told me she wants to move either to Hawaii or move in with me here in Taiwan. I was really surprised and felt strange about that because she has never shown any interest in coming here even for a visit, but I collected some info for her about life in Taiwan. Taiwan is a very different place, and I was honest about it, especially for someone who does not like to be around other people and who isn't keen on working. I was also honest with her and told her that I couldn't afford to support 2 households, mine and hers so she would need to find her own housing and employment no matter where she lives. I waited for about a month, because I wanted to give her time to make some plans and decide what she would like to do with her life. Then yesterday, I finally got an email from her. It sounded almost exactly like her previous ones- she is in a bad situation- she has no money- facing homelessness- that is all. No other details or anything. What do you make of this? Is there any sort of social service that I could contact to help check on her to makes sure she is coping? I live too far away, and our relationship has never been very close... so I really feel confused. Oh, she has a brother and sister who live in other parts of the US, but she told me she hates them and doesn't want to contact them for help... Please, could you give me some advice that I could use from the other side of the world? Are there any social work organizations I could contact to please help my mom? Or ideas on how to deal with this situation? Thanks!

Sakuralisa Sep 2012
Thank you for both of your answers- they gave me more ideas on what I can do. I will contact her previous boss- you're right- there must be something she can do to help mom. If anything they could talk with her and help me understand what is happening. I will contact her now! I thought of this before but worried it would cause mom embarrassment, but I think at this point it is beyond that worry. Again, thanks!

sumlerc Sep 2012
Does your Mom have a Primary Care Doctor, maybe you could contact them and express your concern. Is it possible for you to visit her to see face to face what's going on with her? At any rate, she is calling out for help... Big time!
I certainly wish the best to you both .

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NancyH Sep 2012
Your mother has had some sort of meltdown sounds like to me. She could be suffering a depression or some other sort of mental illness that has hit her. Can you call her former workplace and maybe talk to her old boss? Maybe he or she can give you a little background as to what happened that your mother would suddenly quit her job. It could be that she was actually fired, but didn't want to tell you. Also you said your mom was a 'social worker', then wouldn't that same boss have an idea how to help your mom? Something has happened and you need the inside scoop.

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