my disabled brother (paralysis on right side) has been living with our mother for his whole life, he is now 48 and mom is 74. In the beginning she was taking care of him, then it turned to him taking care of her. It's gotten REALLY bad as they have been hoarders for 27 years.(Dept of aging checked and reported mom is happy with situation) Mom has not done much about getting out of bed and moving around for 5 or so years. About a month ago mom has become incontinent, brother helps her to the bathroom (she can't walk and he can't carry) then back to bed. She won't go to the hospital, I live far away and she wants to stay in that state. Her doctor will not talk to her on the phone as he doesn't take patient calls. The main question is mom owns house, if she goes into a facility what will happen to brother who has taken care of her 24/7 for years, will he have to leave the house so that can help supplement mom? He is mentally ill and was never properly diagnosed and needs to stay in the house or get some type of permanent live in rehabilitative care himself.
Here is an article written by our AgingCare.com experts that I thought might help you.
How To Tell if Parents Are Ready for Assisted Living
Hope this helps,