The first concern to be addressed is your Mom's daily needs and her quality of life. Who is the person that will be wholeheartedlly willing and able to focus on her issues, before their "own" needs? This matter is a stressful and emotional battle for the caregiver, anyone who has this position,{ as the main caregiver and also responsable for financial and leagal issues} should be rewarded not punished. If possible try to focus on what "MOM" needs and not who is or is not in control! If you can do that, than make a joint effort to focus on "MOM" . We all have different personalities... some people are good with paperwork others are good with finances and others with caregiving etc.. Bottom line, there is a life that needs people to be there with unconditional love. Just ask yourself one question... "How would I like to be treated if I were in this position?" Once you have accomplished these matters all the other details will be in focus and the reality of the situation will be clearer.
I have pretty much had to do alot of this. I was a guardian, a niece (not pot smoking), and am working on removing my mother's POA away from my sister who is 46, jobless, lazy, mentally abusive, and spends at least half of mom's SS check on herself. I found getting my uncle and aunt involved has helped. Sis now knows we all are monitoring her. We also are gathering real proof to take to Family Services. It has already helped to clean up her behavior. Just mentioning to your niece that the authorities might not approve of an illegal drug user as a POA might help. My sister's license was suspended for lack of insurance and I researched the fines and jail times and shared it with her. It helped. We are trying to keep Mom out of any fighting. She is desparately attached to Sis and her life is difficult enough. Because Mom sees me as the calm and reliable child, she tends to rely on me more and I'm able to keep an eye on everthing. So, my point is that I'm keeping the peace while I'm gathering my proof and if needed, I can go to Family Services with concise, rational, and undeniable proof. Recently, someone answered a POA question by saying that POA comes with great responsibility and that is so true. So, I know, that even if Sis gets to invoke the POA, I can go to Family Services anytime because now she'll have even less wiggle room to get out of trouble. So, if you can, bide your time and fight that battle when you are ready. I wish you best of luck. Karen
Crowemagnum Not sure if it's only in California but that's where we live and not only do they all live there mom,brother,nephew,sister,brother-in-law NO BODY Works! so my mom is supporting them all but she don't do anything to change it! I feel bad for her but what can I do? I've told her she needs to kick them all out ,and the nephew has pot plants growing don't even get me started on that.Thanks for responding.
Well, I'm having a Dr. Phil moment: "are you kidding me?" First of all, if you knowingly sent your mom to spend a MONTH with your weed smoking neice - then, quite honestly, you don't deserve to have POA back because you don't have the best interest of your mother in mind...you made your bed.
Jackie---How in the world after 6 years-and then 1 month did the POA change? You may have to take this up with an elder care attorney....Was your Mom in sound mind-at the time of the POA change-if not, I doubt if it will stand. Who has the POA at this point, and is it for legal issues, or health? Is there a department of elderly affairs nearby-and if so-present this matter to them for guidance. Best, Hap
If guns are outlawed--only outlaws will have guns. Likewise if a law-abiding person tries to get the legal system to work on a problem like yours, the person with the most experience thwarting the legal system (your weed-smoking niece) will be the one who best knows how to work the system in their favor. I had POA for my father and his bank had the document as well as knowing me personally but still, when he walked in one day in a fit and changed the beneficiaries on several CD's it did not occur to them to give me a call or at least alert me that my father might be slipping. After his death, when they disclosed this major change to me, I asked why they did not at least give me a courtesy call. Their answer: "The Patroit Act prohibits us from disclosing any transaction made by a person deemed to be competent" Terrorists take note: all you have to do is con some elderly person out of their savings and the Patroit Act will protect you from apprehension. My point here is try to resolve this issue with your mom within your family circle. And Crowemagnum's suggestion might be the best way to smoke the rat out of its hiding place...
I found a middle way between just pure durable and medical POA and guardianship which my lawyer says will work to protect my mother. I have two notarized statements by my mother's doctors saying that she is not able to conduct her business in a business like manner. So, if she were to do something like your mother did or sign a promissory note, if she could at that, then I have the paper work to show whatever she did was invalid.
OK, I have some strong opinions on this, so please bear with me. We went through the whole POA/Guardianship thing with my MIL this past summer due to her daughter having POA and absuing that power. This is what I have learned through the whole process.
The whole POA thing is a farce. Your mom can sign a different POA form naming someone different every day. Yes, you can have the POA put back to you. The next day your mom can turn around and give it back to pot smoking niece, and this can go back and forth. The way to put an end to this is to try to get guardianship of your mom.
In order to get guardianship, you need to go to court. You need to prove your mom is incompetant to make any legal or medical decisions for herself. The court will appoint a guardian ad litem to represent your mom's interests. This GAL will talk to all family members involved. This would give pot smoking niece the opportunity to tell them how much of a piece of crap you are, as you can do the same to her. So if the GAL decides neither one of you are fit for the responsibility, your mom becomes a ward of the state after you just spent about $5,000 in legal fees and court costs. Now say you ARE appointed guardianship as I found, apparently no one has to honor those papers. Say your niece and your mom have a joint bank account which your mom's social security is being direct deposited into, and you open a new account in your mom's name and try to have her SS switched to be deposited into that account.... SS will not honor it without your mom calling herself to have it switched. My MIL did not have the mental faculties to do this. SS is the federal government, guardianship is the state so the federal doesn't honor those court documents. Even the bank won't honor it unless everything is spelled out specifically and their attorney's review it and agree to it. Yet, all these institutions readily accept POA documents without question (and please refer back to the first paragraph). I guess orders signed by a judge are meaningless.
So essentially, if your mom still has some mental faculties and wants your niece as her POA.... let them have each other. To change it otherwise simply because you are her daughter.... that is a long, stressful, expensive road that you do not even want to deal with. Unless you can prove with bank statements and other documentation.... financial abuse or medical neglect it is not worth it. I will never do that again.
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Not sure if it's only in California but that's where we live and not only do they all live there mom,brother,nephew,sister,brother-in-law NO BODY Works! so my mom is supporting them all but she don't do anything to change it! I feel bad for her but what can I do? I've told her she needs to kick them all out ,and the nephew has pot plants growing don't even get me started on that.Thanks for responding.
First of all, if you knowingly sent your mom to spend a MONTH
with your weed smoking neice - then, quite honestly, you don't deserve to have POA back because you don't have the best interest of your mother in mind...you made your bed.
Best,
Hap
Best,
Hap
Likewise if a law-abiding person tries to get the legal system to work on a problem like yours, the person with the most experience thwarting the legal system (your weed-smoking niece) will be the one who best knows how to work the system in their favor.
I had POA for my father and his bank had the document as well as knowing me personally but still, when he walked in one day in a fit and changed the beneficiaries on several CD's it did not occur to them to give me a call or at least alert me that my father might be slipping. After his death, when they disclosed this major change to me, I asked why they did not at least give me a courtesy call. Their answer: "The Patroit Act prohibits us from disclosing any transaction made by a person deemed to be competent" Terrorists take note: all you have to do is con some elderly person out of their savings and the Patroit Act will protect you from apprehension.
My point here is try to resolve this issue with your mom within your family circle. And Crowemagnum's suggestion might be the best way to smoke the rat out of its hiding place...
I found a middle way between just pure durable and medical POA and guardianship which my lawyer says will work to protect my mother. I have two notarized statements by my mother's doctors saying that she is not able to conduct her business in a business like manner. So, if she were to do something like your mother did or sign a promissory note, if she could at that, then I have the paper work to show whatever she did was invalid.
The whole POA thing is a farce. Your mom can sign a different POA form naming someone different every day. Yes, you can have the POA put back to you. The next day your mom can turn around and give it back to pot smoking niece, and this can go back and forth. The way to put an end to this is to try to get guardianship of your mom.
In order to get guardianship, you need to go to court. You need to prove your mom is incompetant to make any legal or medical decisions for herself. The court will appoint a guardian ad litem to represent your mom's interests. This GAL will talk to all family members involved. This would give pot smoking niece the opportunity to tell them how much of a piece of crap you are, as you can do the same to her. So if the GAL decides neither one of you are fit for the responsibility, your mom becomes a ward of the state after you just spent about $5,000 in legal fees and court costs. Now say you ARE appointed guardianship as I found, apparently no one has to honor those papers. Say your niece and your mom have a joint bank account which your mom's social security is being direct deposited into, and you open a new account in your mom's name and try to have her SS switched to be deposited into that account.... SS will not honor it without your mom calling herself to have it switched. My MIL did not have the mental faculties to do this. SS is the federal government, guardianship is the state so the federal doesn't honor those court documents. Even the bank won't honor it unless everything is spelled out specifically and their attorney's review it and agree to it. Yet, all these institutions readily accept POA documents without question (and please refer back to the first paragraph). I guess orders signed by a judge are meaningless.
So essentially, if your mom still has some mental faculties and wants your niece as her POA.... let them have each other. To change it otherwise simply because you are her daughter.... that is a long, stressful, expensive road that you do not even want to deal with. Unless you can prove with bank statements and other documentation.... financial abuse or medical neglect it is not worth it. I will never do that again.