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KSNJ2 Asked December 2009

My father and sister are no longer capable or taking care of themselves, should they both go to an Assisted Living facility?

I feel like I'm alone in this ... Dad is in late 70's - Heart attack, stroke, broken hip and now a foot problem that required surgery and constant care. This is all within the last year. He lives with my sister, 47, who is on disability herself. She has never had to take responsibility for herself ~ ever. She used to have seizures which is why she is on disability but had an operation *years ago and no longer has them. She doesn't shower, brush her teeth (she has 2 left), weighs close to 300 lbs, walks with a cane. She is useful only to the extent that she can call us if dad falls. Other than that they get meals on wheels and call me to food shop, doctors appointments, taking care of the home they live in etc.,


Lately Dad has begun refusing to take showers, get out of bed, do any exercises. She shrugs her shoulders because she "has her own problems". The issue is the home is owned by my father, sister can't afford on SSI and disability to pay the taxes on her own. I'm at a loss - if we put him in an assisted living facility they can't really "take" the house because of the disabled sister, however she will lose the house anyway in the long run I think?


Is there a way we can have her "put" into an assisted living facility too? Even though she is only 47 I think she is incapable of taking care of herself.


Not sure if there are any answers, just wanted to "talk" I guess.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Dec 2009
KSNJ2,fFeel free to "talk."

To force your sister into anything, you'd likely have to gain guardianship. However, if your dad goes into assisted living or a nursing home, then you could have social services look in on your sister and see how she is doing. If they determine she can't take care of herself, they could take some steps to help her.

You may want to call social services now and see if they can help with this problem. It's a bit unusual, since it involves and elder and a younger person.

Please keep coming back to chat. We all need a listening hear.
Carol

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