When are daughters going to stop being so guilt ridden and controlled by their aging parents?.

You've got a good point. Finding a balance is very hard, but most parents would not want their adult children to wreck their health, ignore the needs of young children, destroy their health and, sometimes, marriages. All of these things can happen.

One thing I tried to do (and often failed) was to remember, what would they have wanted before the helplessness and dementia? I knew my parents took care of their parents, but they didn't give their lives for them.

That said, balance is easier to talk about than to find. Thanks for bring up the topic.
Carol