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I work 50+ hours a week, have a teenager and care for my mother who has steadily required more attention/assistance daily, in everything she does. She is a fall risk and slowly losing her ability to walk and move at her own free will. Mom says down and depressed, constantly tells me she's unhappy [at home], tells me we don't get along and that my child didn't like her (which isn't true). Her unhappiness and those feelings are coming from within her, probably because she's stressed, sad and scared of her situation/diagnosis [which is understandable]. She expects us to move when she says nice, gets demanding sand didn't want me speaking to anyone other than her, including my own child. It gets frustrating, as I have out my life on hold to care for her as she becomes more demanding/rude. If physical ever becomes a factor, my decision will be a no brainer... But for now, I am struggling with the fact that I need to find her a long term care facility. She's getting weaker by the day and more depressed, to the point I feel useless and it's weighing heavily on my heart and soul. I'm exhausted but feel guilty for even considering having her go to a long term facility. An I being selfish wanting me time and to live with just myself and my child and placing her into a facility to Greece the 24/7 care she expects from me? It's just something I can't do and never will be able to provide the fun time care she's expecting of me. I'm torn, sad, exhausted, worried and feel like a horrible person, caregiver and daughter.
Anyone else go through this struggle?!

Is 66 her right age? The system sometimes picks up the wrong age.

66 is not old. What does she have that is so debilitating?

Does she have any assets? Does she have someone coming in while you work? If no to both questions, you maybe able to get Medicaid in the home. Even a few hours a day is better than nothing.

I understand the guilt but you should not feel guilty about something you cannot do anything about. You have to work. You still have a child you are responsible for. Think this way, Mom needs you more than you need her. Roles are now reversed. So you sit down and say...

Mom I know you are depressed and its lonely being here alone all day but...I have to work. I have a child that needs things and attention. I do not have enough hours in the day to be your entertainment. My child needs his mother.

Your rudeness and expecting me to jump when u say to has to stop. You think ur grandson doesn't like you? Well you make it very hard for him too. Your illness is not ur fault or ours. You need to make the best of it. Things need to change because if you can't make the changes, then we may have to consider a Longterm care facility. At least you would have other people around you, activities and entertainment. Then let her have her fit. Just walk away.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Get her in a facility. You are obligated to your children first and your mother second. If she won't go, don't get angry. Be honest. Say "mom I'm tired and I don't think I can care for you the way I want to and the way you need. Can we please go look at facilities together? I know it's not ideal, but I'm struggling to care for you and my child at the same time. I will make sure your room at the home will feel just like here, and you'll get the care you need. What do you say?"
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Reply to aj6044
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Of course, you are exhausted! Who wouldn’t be in your position?

You can only stretch yourself so far. Your profile states that your mom lives in your home. You never get a break from her. It’s too much!

Follow your thoughts on finding placement for her. It’s best for each of you to live separately. She will get the care that she needs, plus socialization. You will have peace of mind and privacy.

You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting what is best for everyone. You deserve to spend time alone and with your son.

Wishing you all the best. Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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