What they perceive or believe they "SHOULD " have to (or not have) to do for themselves?
There seems to be a direct correlation between what my AD person believes and doesn't believe she should "have" to do for herself and how the symptoms of her dementia manifest themselves.
For example opening and closing doors, turning lights on and off, putting on or taking off clothes, picking up or dropping things on the floor, getting into and out of chairs. It seems it is her belief that that she should not have to be responsible for these types of actions anymore and that the perception she wants from others is that it is the disease or that she is no longer capable or knows the difference, If someone doesn't do them for her she knows the difference. Can anyone explain this to me?

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I would say my Dad is in the late-mid stage of Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed 4 years ago and has been going down steadily. As the previous poster noted, function in those with AD can be very erratic. They have days in which they're more lucid and you honestly wonder, 'does he really have AD?' Then they have days in which they are so confused and obsessed with things that you know they do. As to your question about their perceptions of what they SHOULD do -- my Dad has stated on numerous occasions that he has a disease, that his AD is what causes him to do certain things or act a certain way. He has told my Mom that she is his caregiver and needs to take care of him! So I know that at times he does have that perception that he is a patient and needs to be taken care of. This has just been happening over the past year. He didn't say these things two years ago. And by next year he probably won't be saying them any more. I think that this may be a stage, somewhere within a stage, in which he is accepting that he is never going to get better and that he does have a disease. And he expects everyone else to know it and help him out!! But there comes a point where the person really does have to be helped with all the things you mention because there is no going backward. The disease moves forward and there's not a whole lot we can do about it...
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Good answer. I agree with you because it is a solution and one I am in control of. But just like your surmising something to the effect of "she is who she is" I too am who I am and what makes that true for me is understanding .
I can't control it or help it, it compels me and is part of what makes me who I am.
I want an objective truth so my understanding has a solid foundation. The truth is separate from either of us. It is what it is. She doesn't control it and neither do I.
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I think there is a correlation with interests, but not 100%. My husband is losing his sense of direction, which was one of his pride and joys. He does like to be waited on, which I don't much enjoy. So I tell him to make his own sandwich while he still can.

I think the AD patient's functioning is pretty darn erratic. He doesn't notice some things - doesn't even see them. Then he will fixate on an object, and want to know all about it and where it should be.

The real question for you as a caregiver is, what do you want to believe? Does it make you happier to suspect that she is trying to run a number on you? Or does it make you happier to believe that she is so far gone in the disease that she is really only doing what she is able to do? I would say to tell yourself a story that makes YOU happier or more energized or calmer. Being pissed off can be energizing!
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